Hallozeen!
by Vyaltizae
Summary: BWAHAHAHA! THE CROSSOVER TO END ALL CROSSOVER! BEWARE, FOR WHAT LIES WITHIN MAY CAUSE YOU TO LOSE SANITY!
1. Chapter 1

Buu:Hey, Goku! What's my name?  
-Goku:Buu.  
-Buu:AHHH! (Runs off screaming)  
  
Hallowzeen!  
  
-Goku:Alright, Goten! Let's try this house first. Ooo, don't you look scary!  
-Goten:Dad, I'm dressed as a butterfly.  
-Goku:Yeah. That's uh, what I mean. I'm scared of butterflies. Did I tell you about the omnipotent butterfly I fought while searching for the Kaios?  
-Goten:No.  
-Goku:He was invincible. Nothing could beat him, until King Kai stabbed him with a butter knife.  
-Goten:Wow! That cat fish blob actually stabbed a harmless insect with a blunt object! And in front of other people, too! I didn't know he had it in him! Did the butterfly die?  
-Goku:No. It got annoyed at King Kai's joke attempts and went home, but STILL, what a fight!  
-Goten:Is that why I'm dressed up like this?  
-Goku:No, your Mom wanted you to, and it's best not to cross her. Here's the house. Now let me show you how it's done. (Knock, knock.) Trick or treat!  
-Robert:Hello. Hey, aren't you a little old for this?  
-Goku:It's just a good costume. Can I have some candy now?  
-Robert:Oh, alright. (Gives out some candy)  
-Goku:. . . um . . . Can I have some more please?  
-Robert:Well, I guess so . . . (more candy)  
-Goku:Gee I don't know if that's enough.  
-Robert:Gaw! You're a pig.  
  
-Vegeta:Kakarot is so weak. He's doing it all wrong! Trunks, watch how a real trick or treater operates! (Knock, knock.)  
-Mary Ann: (Opens door) Aren't you supposed to say trick or treat, first?  
-Vegeta:No, I am not! And if you value your meager existence, you will never confuse me with the other weaklings around here again! Got it!  
-Mary Ann:Okay . . .  
-Vegeta:Now fork over the loot before I incinerate your home!  
-Mary Ann:Y-yes, sir!  
  
-Robert:I'm telling you, you're not getting any more candy from me!  
-Goku:(Sobbing) Please, I beg you, I need more candy!  
-Robert:Why don't you go and eat some of what you have?  
(3 seconds later)  
-Robert:Geez, man! You're going to make yourself sick!  
-Goku:Look! I've eaten everything form chocolate covered spare ribs to wreaking tails of alien tyrants! And I'm still alive, even if I cheated a little by having buddies with time machines and stomach pumps. I'll live! Now (sob) about that candy?  
  
-Vegeta:That's right! Hand it all over or I'll roast your ass! Hey, where do you think you're going? You haven't paid tribute yet! Get back here or I'll blasteverything you own into dog-food!  
-Trunks:Dad, lighten up. You're scaring the whole neighborhood!  
-Vegeta:Shut up, you little brat! My whole planet was blown up before ever got to go trick or treating! My wife is dressed up like Inspector Gadget! The only pure blooded Saiyan left in existence besides me is begging that guy for Reces Cups! My only son is dressed as Zorro and has been drawing Z's on me with a fake sword since I bought him the costume! And on top of that, I'm STILL CONSTIPATED! I think subjecting an entire neighborhood to my tyrannical will is a great way to relieve stress, don't you! Now buzz off! Bwa ha ha!  
  
-Cell:Okay, everybody got their costumes on?  
-Cell Jrs:Yes!  
-Cell:Got your trick or treat bags handy?  
-Cell Jrs:Yep.  
-Cell:Good! Then let's pillage this pathetic planet and then blow it to bits!  
-Cell Jrs:Yeah!  
  
-Murphy (Punk trick or treater): Whoa, Dude. What are you supposed to be? Spock with indigestion?  
-Jack (Irate Halloween Junkie): Naw, dig the fangs, man. He's Dracula's non-depressed tree lovin' cousin.  
-Al (Power Rangers Fanatic): No way! He's Zorlock, the alien bug monster in the Power Rangers Season Five Thirteenth Episode created by Lord Zed in his vengeance against the cosmos for his fall from power in Season 3, episode 2.  
-Piccolo:And they ask why I hate this holiday.  
  
(Cell and family flying over city.)  
-Cell:Oh, look, this neighborhood looks interesting.  
(Vegeta frags a house with a massive explosion, followed by insidious laughter.)  
-Cell:Yes, very interesting! Let's go children!  
-Cell Jrs:Right, Pop!  
(Flys down behind a house to observe events.)  
-Cell (horrified): Oh, shit! It's Goku!  
-Cell Jr:But look, he's begging that guy at the door for mercy!  
-Cell's Evil Thought Alarm: Broot! Broot! Broot!  
-Cell:Children, I have a marvelous idea! Listen here! *whisper, whisper*  
-Goku:Pleeeeeeeease! I need more food! You're the only hope I have!  
-Robert:You are really pathetic! Is the only time of the year you get to eat or something?  
-Goku:I'm just HUNGRY!! (Falls to the ground and bawls like a three year old) Waaaaaaaaaaah haah haaaah haaaaaaaaah!  
-Goten:Hi, Trunks. My Dad's gone psycho.  
-Trunks:Mine, too. Let's fuse into Gotenks and find a different neighborhood. There's no reason these geezers should have all the fun.  
-Goten:Cool!  
(The two fuse into Gotenks, who is dressed as a Hispanic outlaw with blue and green insectoid wings)  
-Gotenks:Weeeeeee! (Flys off.)  
(Flash of light)  
-Washu:Oops! I got the settings wrong! We landed back on page three!  
-Tenchi:(shivering) Just get us out of here, NOW!  
-Ryoko:No, please let me throw her off here!  
-Ayeka:Get your filthy hands . . .  
(Flash of light)  
-Robert:(with a unusually high pitched voice) Hey Goku, get up.  
-Goku:*sniff* You mean you'll give me some candy?  
-Robert:(high pitched) No no. You've, uh, eaten everything I have. But there is an old lady down the street who gives everyone lots and lots of candy.  
-Goku:Really!  
-Robert:(high and squeaky, with two little blue arms manipulating his face) Yeah! She, uh, has a candy factory in her basement.  
-Goku:Bye! (runs down street at light speed)  
-Talking Bush With a Blue Helmet:The other end of the street, you blockhead!  
-Goku:Thanks! (runs to other end and breaks down the door)  
(A tall woman in a white apron and a funky green hat that looks like an iron banana peal with green spots is standing in the foyer.)  
-Incredibly Deep Voiced Woman:Welcome!  
-Goku:Outta my way, granny! Where's the basement door?  
-IDV Woman:Certainly. It's the first door on the left.  
-Goku:Woo, hoo! (Bursts through the door slobbering and falls down the stairs)  
-Goku:Hey, what is this! There's no candy here!  
-IDV Woman:Ha, ha, ha! Prepare to meet your end, Goku!  
-Goku:(Getting zapped from all directions by insanely powerful energy beams.) No way! How did you know my name?  
-IDV Woman:Damn, you're really dense! Now you have fallen for my perfect trap and you will never know who it was that orchestrated your demise! Ha, ha, ha!  
-Goku:Wait a minute. I only know one guy who would want to kill me and use the word "perfect" in a sentence. Dr. Gero, what the heck happened to you?  
-Cell:I'm Cell, you beef-brain! Cell, Cell, Cell!  
-Goku:Oh, well I knew that, of course. Why are dressed as a little old lady, Cell?  
-Cell:Try a really big old lady, but that's beside the point. The point is that now you will die and I will reign supreme!  
-Goku:No, you won't. My son mopped the floor most of the adult cast in this series.  
-Cell:Oh. Well, by killing you, I will have taken my revenge against your bloodline.  
-Goku:You already killed me once when you self destructed on King . . .  
-Cell:Goku! Why are you talking! You are supposed to be experiencing a flesh-searing death scene!  
-Goku:Huh? Oh, you mean these laser thingys. Thanks for pointing those out to me. They *hee, hee* do sort of tickle.   
-Cell Jr:Pop, we told you this was a bad idea. Now he'll probably vaporize us before we get to go trick or treating!  
-Irate Cell Jr:Plus you're a fricking drag-queen!  
-All Cell Jrs:Oh, the shame!  
(Goku starts blasting Cell Jrs. into little puffs of smoke. Cell starts laughing.)  
-Goku:Cell! For crying out loud, I'm killing your kids, here. What's funny about that?  
-Cell:I anticipated this circumstance, and accordingly fed all my children at Mi Pueblo before coming here. No, get a whiff of your eminent doom, Goku!  
-Goku:*sniff* AAARRRGGGHHH! (falls to the ground in agony)  
(Cell laughs, and then leaves to buy some air freshener.)  
-Goku:Only Krillin can save me now, but he's at my place dressed as Steve Austin! *Gasp* Damn my luck!  
-Cell Jr:(whimpering) All we wanted to do was go trick or treating.  
(Sad music stars playing)  
-Goku:Why didn't you? *wheeze*  
-Cell Jr:Dad said we could get some candy and then obliterate the world, but then he saw you and made up this stupid scene to kill you.  
-Goku:You mean you guys didn't get any candy? *gag*  
-Cell Jr:Only some Jolly Ranchers from the lady on the next block.  
-Goku's Good Idea Alarm: Beep. Beep. Beep.  
-Goku:Quick! *Barf* Give me some of those Jolly Ranchers! *Ack*  
-Cell Jr:Why the hell would we want to do that?  
-Goku:Because, *Splooge* I have a plan to get you out of here! *Blaah!*  
-Cell Jrs:So then we can get some more candy! Cool!  
-Goku:Id'nit, though? *Vlooaaaaaaaaaag*  
  
-Vegeta:(Standing on a pile of flaming wreckage with a barbed whip in his hand) Work, you putrid vermin! Your lives are like cotton candy in my hands! Please me, and you might see the light of tomorrow. Do not, (veins pop out all over his body as he spazzes out) And I'll sell you piece by piece to black market organ specialists! Pitiful slaves! You are at my bidding! Bow to me and then get back to work or I'll make burnt toast out of you! (Foams at the mouth while laughing. All his slaves are bringing him more candy and digging wrapped pieces out of the rubble.)  
  
-Cell:Yes, the co-ordinates are 73 north latitude, and 31.7 east longitude. . . Yes. . . Yes that'll do fine . . .Oh, no, not a soul for miles. . .Yes, completely unpopulated except for me. . . I have a cell phone . . .Right, now when will that warhead get here? . . A few minutes you say? . . .Splendid! . . . Oh, happy to be of help, . . Thank you, . .Yes . .Yes, Goodbye. (Hangs up and bursts into maniacal laughter) A Nuke headed for this very spot! I had no idea I could trick those dopes so easily! Hey, I wonder if I can do that to Papa John's?  
-Goku:Nah sho fasht, Shell.  
-Cell:Goku! How did you, you . . . Why the hell do you have Jolly Ranchers shoved up your nostrils?  
-Goku:Take a whild gesh!  
-Cell:No, I'd rather take a picture! (pulls out a camera) Say cheese, you moron.  
-Goku:Fbup auf, Behch. (Blows real hard through his nose, causing the candies to impale Cell right in the head. Due to the alien matter in his brain, he is unable to regenerate.)  
-Cell:Ha, ha! Victory! (Holds up instant developer copy of Goku's pig-like pose) Wait until the guys in the HFIL get a load of this! It's better than a Fararri! You don't suppose you could chuck a Xerox machine at me while you're at it?  
-Goku:If it'll get you to shut up and die, why not? (Chuck. Crash)  
-Cell:Thbanp yuu, skukker. Fvaa, fvaa, urrr . . .  
(Goku runs outside as fast as he can to get some fresh air)  
  
-Gotenks:Hey, animal crackers! The chocolate kind! I could go for some of those.  
-Shopkeeper:Yes, Yes! Free Animal crackers from the Saint Louis Zoo. Get pandas, elephants, tourists, and even the occasional Zoo Keeper.  
-Gotenks:Huh?  
-Shopkeeper:Just eat 'em kid, they're good!  
-Gotenks:(After looking at one of the very scared tourist candies) Buu, you ass-hole! You mean all of these crackers were once real people?  
-Buu:No, not at all! Some of them were real animals.  
-Gotenks:Get ready to die you pink Arab dracula ripoff!  
-Buu:'Scuse me, but you wear the same drab, you pint sized, prepubescent prank playing punk!  
-Gotenks:Say that ten times fast!  
-Buu:No way, kid. It's hard enough to do when you sound like one of the chipmunks. I hate these new dubs.  
-Gotenks:Yeah, me too, but getting back on topic, one of us has to die.  
-Buu:No problem! (Turns Gotenks into Candy) That was easy!  
  
-Goku:*snnnnnnnniiffffffffffffff, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh* That's much better!  
-Cell Jr:Goku! Hurry! There's a big ass nuclear warhead coming this way!  
-Goku:So? I'm not worried about that.  
-Cell Jr:Hey, bro, you were right! This whole city's as good as fragged!  
-Goku:Oh, yeah . . . (defender of the weak, which in my case means just about everybody. How'd I get that job, anyway.) Where is it?  
-Cell Jr:We don't know. We just know it's coming.  
-Goku:How?  
-Cell Jr:All our cell phones have caller ID!  
  
-Vegeta:(Golden Ozaru Form) RAAGUG! wait . . . RAAJIUGH! Dammit! I can't pronounce raug! Hey, there it goes! Now then . . RAAAAUG!!! (Stomps on three more houses and shoots some fireballs while the miserable citizens, in tattered cloths and soot covered faces, scurry out of the way) Candy is all that will appease me!! RAAAUGH!  
  
-King Kai:Let's sum it all up so far! Cell is dead, again, but managed to summon a giant nuke to incinerate the area before he was killed by a Xerox machine. The 7 remaining Cell Jrs. all want to go trick or treating, but are afraid of getting vaporized. Boo, who is afraid of his own name, is turning crowds at tourist attractions into candy, and has transmuted poor Gotenks as well. Then there's Vegeta, who's just off his despotic rocker. But there is one more thing. . .  
  
-Piccolo:Alright, just shut up already!  
-Murphy:No way, man! You're Phat!  
-Piccolo:FAT? ME? But . . how! I've been drinking slim fast water for years and getting plenty of exercise! I should be as trim as a phone pole! How is this possible!?HOW!?  
-Murphy:I didn't mean it like that, dawg!  
-Piccolo:Quiet, you freak! No one calls a Namek fat and gets away with it, even in jest!  
-Murphy:Huh?  
-Piccolo:All Nameks are very, very anorexic! That's because the only one of us to die and not come back was highly obese! Also, Namek wasn't ravaged by some huge storm like everybody thought! Guru went clog dancing and shook the whole planet into disaster! (Grabs Murphy's shoulders and starts rattling him at light speed) Now do you understand? I can never be fat! Never! Never!! NEVER!!!  
-Murphy:B-b-b-u-t e-v-v-v-e-r-r-r-y b-b-o-d-d-y g-e-t-t-t-t-s-s f-f-a-t-t-t- o-n-n-n   
H-h-h-ha-l-l-l-l-l-l-o-w-w-w-e-e-e-e-n-n-n-n!  
-Piccolo:(Classic freak out scene! Piccolo's cape blows back in the wind, sky goes black with red lightening in the back ground, and Piccolo assumes the "Golly, that sucks!" position) No! That can't be! I must destroy this holiday! It's the only way to save this world from overweight, clog dancing Nameks!  
-Dende:(Dressed as the Incredible Hulk at house next door) Trick or treat!  
-Piccolo:NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
-King Kai:Nukes, candy people, berserk tyranny, industrial trick or treaters, and anorexic Nemekian paranoia! Bubbles, get some more pop-corn! I have a feeling Ebert's gonna love this show!  
  
-Goku: Alright, here's the plan. I'll fly strait into the missile and detonate it, and then apply some anti-itchy cream for the rash.  
-Cell Jr:Millions of innocent souls will perish in the fall out!  
-Other Cell Jr:Quiet! That's what we want, isn't it!  
-Goku:(blows up previous Cell Jr.) So what do you suggest?  
-Cell Jr:I have an elaborate scheme, but it involves a laser sharpened box cutter and a skillet.  
-Goku:You're WAY too intelligent for this program. (Blows up that Cell Jr.) Any other ideas.  
-Cell Jr:Let's catch it and then chuck it into space!  
-Goku:(Blows up that Cell Jr., too.) Nice, but I won't be shown up by a blue lollypop kid!  
  
-Vegeta:(Lying exhausted in a crater.) Man, I'm tired! I must have eaten too much sugar or something!  
-Piccolo:Dende, stop! Don't eat that Reces cup!  
-Dende:*gulp*  
-Piccolo:Ghaghh! Why, Dende? Why? You've doomed us all! Don't eat any more! I beg you! No . . . No you can't be serious! Not a Baby Ruth!  
-Dende:*gulp* Mmm.  
-Piccolo:NOOOOOOOOOO!!  
-Vegeta:Heh, heh! The Namek's gone A-wall! I'd better check this out! Too bad I didn't listen to Bulma when she told me to bring a video camera! (Flys out of crater and goes to the houses that he conveniently missed trashing)  
-Dende:All right! A Snickers!  
-Piccolo:Don't do it, Dende! You'll destroy the world!  
-Dende:What?  
-Piccolo:Once you've eaten enough of that stuff, you'll get a sudden urge to go clog dancing, and that'll be the end of the human race!  
-Dende:You're too paranoid, Piccolo. (Flips the candy into his mouth)  
-Piccolo:NOOOOO!!  
-Dende:Gosh those are good!  
-Piccolo:Dende, I didn't want to have to do this, but now I must!  
-Dende:What's up, then?  
-Piccolo:In order to protect this planet, you must die!  
-Dende:Huh!?  
-Piccolo:(Charging up his ultimate blast) I can't allow to load up and wind up killing everybody! How did you get to be the planet's guardian, when you don't even care enough about the Earth to watch your weight! For this crime, you must be destroyed!  
-Dende:W-wait!  
-Vegeta:Coooooool!  
-Commercials:Yup! This is a perfect place to jump in! In fact, we should just end it right here and never make a sequel, but that would just be rude, wouldn't it. Now, we think that you should buy this Jack the Ripper Chili Maker! It slices and dices your whole family, and anyone else on the block! But it also makes a fabulous chili if properly restrained. And then we have . . .  
-Grand Kai:Hey, turn the show back on!  
-Commercials:No way!  
-Grand Kai:Yes, way! I wanna see where the heck this is going!  
-Commercials:Look, you. You're only the Grand Kai.  
-Grand Kai:What do you mean by that?  
-Commercials:We represent the producers of this whole damn network! If you don't give us our time, we'll start screwing around with the script until there's nothing left of your show but bad ratings!  
-Grand Kai:Try it if you can, chumps! These guys make their livings by chewing up pompous air bags like you!  
-Commercials:We'll see about during the next random break, spooze wad. And now, back to our program!  
-Dende:W-wait!  
-Vegeta:Coooooool!  
-Slave:There he is!  
(Piccolo, Dende, and Vegeta all whirl around to face a savage mob of Vegeta's Slaves, standing against the back drop of flaming rubble and all welding heavy, painful looking objects.)  
-Slaves:There's the guy who wrecked my house; Mine too!; Mine also!; Is there anyone here who's house this guy didn't destroy?; *silence* ; Let's get him!; RAAAG!  
-Vegeta:Harrrr, harrr. I'm afriad! Yeah right.  
-Mr. Satan:(dressed as himself) Yeah, they are right!(For those of you who don't know, which I hope are few indeed, Mr. Satan is called Hercule in the U.S.A.)  
-Vegeta:Oh, I was wondering when you would show up. A clown like you wouldn't miss a holiday where he can pretend to be tough and get away with it!  
-Another Mr. Satan:(Dressed as Hulk Hogan) Hey, what's going on?  
-Vegeta:Uh . . .  
-First Mr. Satan:Moon Cosmic Dream Action!  
(Vegeta gets blasted into the angry crowd)  
-Grand Kai:What the hell was that!?  
-Commercials:A cross over! We told you you'd pay!  
-Grand Kai:But you can't mix a shojo cartoon with a WWF style man-ime.  
-Commercials:It sucks to be you, doesn't it! Ha!  
  
-Goku:I'm on my way to blow up the war head. Now I think that this is as good a time as any to talk about me feelings as a super hero. I know lot's of people look at me and say "Hey, there's the universe's toughest dumb blonde!" I get it a lot. But I'm not just this demented powerhouse who likes to kill bad guys all the time. I'm a real person, with real thoughts and real dreams! I'm not just an action figure or a cartoon! I have a soul, too!  
-King Kai:Goku . . .  
-Goku:I mean, did you ever see "Last Action Hero?" I identify with Jack Slater. I want to be seen as a real person, and not as just some roman gladiator style lunk head.  
-King Kai:Goku! . . .  
-Goku:Do you know what my dream was when I was growing up? It wasn't to be the strongest fighter on earth! It wasn't to save the universe! All I ever wanted was to become a veterinarian! A veterinarian for all those dinosaurs! And that brings up another point! Dinosaurs also get hurt in their every day lives! Dinosaurs also have feelin . . .  
-King Kai:GOKU!! No one cares! You get paid to make things go boom! Not to rant about your own feeling of insecurity! Just to blow shit up! If you don't like it, we've got Ast 


	2. Chapter 2

-Goku:I'm on my way to blow up the war head. Now I think that this is as good a time as any to talk about me feelings as a super hero. I know lot's of people look at me and say "Hey, there's the universe's toughest dumb blonde!" I get it a lot. But I'm not just this demented powerhouse who likes to kill bad guys all the time. I'm a real person, with real thoughts and real dreams! I'm not just an action figure or a cartoon! I have a soul, too!  
-King Kai:Goku . . .  
-Goku:I mean, did you ever see "Last Action Hero?" I identify with Jack Slater. I want to be seen as a real person, and not as just some roman gladiator style lunk head.  
-King Kai:Goku! . . .  
-Goku:Do you know what my dream was when I was growing up? It wasn't to be the strongest fighter on earth! It wasn't to save the universe! All I ever wanted was to become a veterinarian! A veterinarian for all those dinosaurs! And that brings up another point! Dinosaurs also get hurt in their every day lives! Dinosaurs also have feelin . . .  
-King Kai:GOKU!! No one cares! You get paid to make things go boom! Not to rant about your own feeling of insecurity! Just to blow shit up! If you don't like it, we've got Astro-Boy on standby to replace you! Now pull your self together or take a hike!  
-Goku:Uh, okay. Sorry. . .  
-King Kai:That's better! Now listen closely, Goku. The commercials are screwing with the series. They've already crossed over to Sailor Moon, and she just knocked out Vegeta!  
-Goku:What!?  
-King Kai:Yes! It happened about ten minutes ago. It's sad, isn't it. That such a great warrior like Vegeta could be defeated in just one blast.  
-Goku:No, it's not that! If any chick besides Bulma nails Vegeta . . .  
  
-Sailor Moon:Okay, I don't think that negaverse monster will find us in here.  
-Sailor Mini Moon:I sure hope not, Ma.  
-Sailor Moon:Shh! Here she comes.  
-Bulma:Where ARE you, you shit faced little hussy.  
-Sailor Moon:Ooo, I can't wait to cream her!  
-Sailor Mini Moon:Ma, be quiet! She'll find us.  
-Sailor Moon:So what! Why are we running anyway? I'll just up and blast her with the Silver Crystal!  
(Picks up a silver crystal)  
-Sailor Mini Moon:Uh . . Mom!  
-Sailor Moon:Pipe down! I know what I'm doing!  
(Steps out onto street to confront Bulma)  
-Sailor Moon:Your days are numbered, you nasty negaverse monster!  
-Bulma:Monster! You slut! First you hit on my hubbie behind my back and now you insult me?  
-Sailor Mini Moon:Mom, really, there's . . .  
-Sailor Moon:Pipe down! Everything's under control!  
-Bulma:(Marching forward) I'm one of two, that's two, regularly casted female characters in this entire series! I'm also the only girl in the universe who can beat up on Vegeta and not get killed for it! No meat-ball headed floozie is gonna take that away from me!  
-Sailor Moon:Everyone! Everyone calls me a meat ball head!  
-Sailor Mini Moon:Ptss! Mom! Get back in here!  
-Sailor Moon:Quiet! I've got this!  
(Sailor Moon does a dance and screams out an attack)  
-Bulma:Nice dance. Bet you can't do it as well after I crunch every bone in your body.  
-Sailor Moon:Why isn't it working?  
-Sailor Mini Moon:This is a Jewelry Store, Mama! You picked up the wrong one!  
-Sailor Moon:OH, SHIT!!!  
(Bulma tosses a capsule on the ground, which turns into a gigantic missile launcher!)  
-Bulma:DIE!  
(Sailor Moon scrambles out of the way just in time to avoid a truly horrendous explosion.)  
-Sailor Moon:Quick! Which one is it?  
-Sailor Mini Moon:I don't know! There must hundreds of them!  
-Sailor Moon:Can't it just be the biggest one!  
-Sailor Mini Moon:Most of these are fake! They can be any size!  
-Bulma:(stepping around the corner) I found you!  
-Sailor Moon:Uoowaahhh!  
-Sailor Mini Moon:Let's just take them all and get the fuck out of here!  
(Half dragging Sailor Moon, and lugging a ton of diamonds, Mini Moon runs out of the Jewelry store, just as Bulma's missiles blast it to pieces!)  
-Bulma:You sissies can't escape me!  
(Hops into her Capsule Corp Fighter Jet)  
-Sailor Moon:Let's hurry! If we can just find a geologist who can tell me which crystal to use on this bitch, we'll be fine!  
-Bulma:(taking off in her jet) Okay, missiles armed! Now where are you!  
-Queen Beryl:Say, you're not bad! What say you join forces with me and we'll kill Sailor Moon together!  
-Bulma:Hm! Oh, man! Look what you did! You screwed up my radar! Now I lost them!   
(Bulma frags Queen Beryl)  
-Sailor Moon:Who's side is she on, anyway!  
-Mini Moon:Just keep running!  
  
-Gohan:Look I don't know who you people are, but can't we just talk about this?  
-Tetsuo:Give me medicine! I can't . . .control it much longer!  
-Ryoko:Eww, he pulsating! Tenchi, do something about this guy! He's grossing me out!  
-Tenchi:Whaddaya expect me to do? Give him some wart remover cream?  
-Ayeka:This is only a suggestion, but I don't think that stuff will work on warts this big! Especially when they're still growing at an alarming rate!  
-Ryoko:Aw, you're just afraid Tenchi's idea will won't work, whereas I have complete faith in him!   
-Ayeka:You gutterbrain! I know anything he makes up will work! I'm only trying to ..  
-Tetsuo:AHHH!! Help me! HELP ME!  
(Starts swelling up to the size of a house)  
-Ryoko:Yeah, I believe you. But I also think it proves that I love Tenchi way more than you! Tenchi, why don't we go snuggle all close in some place private!  
-Ayeka:Miss Ryoko! You are the most brazen, moral-less, and . . Get your hands off him!  
-Ryoko:Little jealous, are we!  
-Tetsuo:Uh . . . hello! This REALLY hurts . . .  
(bloating up to size of a football field)  
-Ayeka:I am most certainly not jealous! What have I to be jealous of when it's just a creepy old hag hugging Tenchi!  
-Ryoko:Hag! That's rich, coming from a prissy little air head with purple hair!  
-Ayeka:You take that back this very instant!  
-Ryoko:Make me!  
-Tetsuo:For crying out loud, SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!  
-Ryoko and Ayeka:Shut up! This has nothing to do with you!  
-Gohan:Dude, those are some steroids!  
-Tetsuo:Would somebody just DO SOMETHING!! AHH!  
-Heero:(Inside Epyon) I'll make it feel better!  
*Bang!* *SHOOOOOM!!*  
-Cartman:Alright! He killed Tetsuo!  
  
-Sailor Moon:Is there a Geologist around here?  
-Rockman:Boku wa isu no sensei dusu. Rockman. Dozo yoroshiku.  
-Sailor Moon:Uh, aren't you supposed to be Megaman?  
-Rockman:Oh, this is in English! Okay, yeah, I'm Megaman, but now the pun is ruined, and I really don't want to help you anymore.  
-Bulma:Gotchya!  
(Blasts the area with missiles. Then lands the jet to survey the presumably fatal damage.)  
-Bulma:Guess that's the end of that floozy!  
(A wounded but intimidating Sailor Moon crawls from the flaming wreckage)  
-Bulma:Aw, I hate being wrong. Oh, well . . .  
(Throws out capsule that turns into a giant lethal looking laser turrent!)  
-Sailor Moon:Fuck this! I'll just use them all!  
(Sailor Moon uses the 'Moon Pansy Love And Sweetness Cry For Joy Diamond Ring Association Firstprize Trophy Award Gentle Squishy Fragganation Grenade Round Lightshow Attack')  
-Bulma:Oh, yeah!  
(Bulma's laser cannon uses the 'Big Hulking Goliath Wave De La Olympia Hurt Bad I Promise Rend The Fabric Of Time To Bacon Bits Sadistic Laser Beam Destruction Assault)  
-Rockman:Sure.  
(Rockman pops both of the vicious women and steals their powers. Then he sits there for an hour and a half trying to decide what to call it. He tries combining the words, but that sounds too silly and it's too long. He tries to make an acronym out of them, but there aren't enough words that begin in vowels. So he gives up and calls it the "Ouchy Effect."  
  
-Commercials:Master.  
-Dark Lord:What is it?  
-Commercials:So far, we've royally screwed this story over by adding in characters from Akira, Gundam Wing, Tenchi Muyo, and even South Park. Plus, we've just given Megaman the most powerful attack in crossover history! But we're still not sure about this next scene.  
-Dark Lord:Which scene is that?  
-Commercials:The nuke scene. We're not sure whether to make it the Big Bang Clow Card, or bring in an Evangelion mecha, or maybe cross over to a Final Fantasy boss fight. What do you think?  
-Dark Lord:I've got something special planned for this scene. You needn't concern yourselves with it any further.  
-Commercials:Yes, sir!  
  
-Goku:There it is! Now to chuck it away!  
(Nuclear weapon self explodes!)  
-Goku:Ahh! It's nice and warm.  
(Smoke stops spreading outward, and concentrates itself in to a solid shape, becoming the eternal dragon.)  
-Goku:. . .uh, okay, this is a little weird. But what the heck! (throws up his hands) Eternal Dragon, were summoned to stop the bomb?  
-E.D:NO, I WAS NOT!  
-Goku:Okay, then. Hey! Does this mean I get freebee wishes!?  
-ED:NO, IT DOES NOT!  
-Goku:Well then, what the heck is going on?  
-ED:HA, HA. I JUST COLLECTED ALL SEVEN OF MY OWN DRAGON BALLS AND WISHED FOR ETERNAL WISHES!!  
-Goku:What does that mean?  
-EDIMBECILE! I'LL BE MAKING MY OWN WISHES FROM NOW ON!! NO ONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO STOP ME!! HA HA HA!  
-Goku:Well, that's cool, but what are you going to wish for? I mean, you have everything already . . .  
-EDSILENCE!!!  
-silence:yup, i'm here, untill this next line come up. oop, here we go!  
-EDFOR MY FIRST WISH, I WANT A BIRTHDAY CAKE!!  
-Goku:What!?  
-EDFOR EVERY YEAR THAT I HAVEN'T CELEBRATED MY BIRTHDAY!!!  
-Goku:Hoo, boy! How many it that?  
-EDERR . . . FOR MY SECOND WISH, I WISH TO BE ABLE TO COUNT ALL THE BIRTHDAYS I HAVE MISSED UP TO THIS POINT!! PREFERABLY BEFORE THE SHOW ENDS!!!  
-Goku:When is your birthday, anyhow?  
-EDUMM . . . FOR MY THIRD WISH . . .  
-GokuOh, brother!  
  
-Vegeta:(In a brightly lit hospital room.)Urr . . . what happened to me? Where am I?  
(Quistis enters the room.)  
-Quistis:Finally awake, huh. I Always knew it would be either you or Goku.  
-Vegeta:Who . . are you?  
-Quistis:Oh, boy! And the doctor said you didn't have amnesia. Oh, well. My name is Quistis. I'll be your doctor for the afternoon.  
-Vegeta:Doctor? I don't need a doctor! I'm fine! *snap* RRrrrrrreally! I'm . . .fine! I don't need you, so buzz off!  
-Quistis:Oh, your wounds are already healed. You've just been out for three days.  
-Vegeta:Three days!?  
-Quistis:We're on Mercury. Don't ask how.  
-Vegeta:Oh. Well, then I can leave then.  
-Quistis:(Removing lab coat) Uh, uh. You could do with a little physical therapy, first.  
-Vegeta:Wha-what do you mean?  
-Quistis:(Taking off sweater) Now hold out your hands and close your eyes . . .  
-Vegeta:What's going on! I played Final Fantasy VIII and this never happens in the opening dialog!  
-Quistis:(Pulling off skirt) True, but since Ultimecia was destroyed, work's been really slow. So I started moon lighting in La Blue Girl episodes. (Takes off bra) You can't imagine what an interesting career X-rated anime is.  
-Vegeta:I, uh, don't think my medical insurance covers this but, aw what the hell!  
-Quistis:(nude) That's the spirit! (starts crawling provocatively on Vegeta)  
-Vegeta:Oh, heck yeah!   
-Grand Kai:Holy frickin' moly! Those stupid commercials just crossed over to a porno scene! Hmm, maybe they're not that bad after all!  
-Quistis:Isn't this great?  
-Vegeta:Yeah this is the . . .   
(Suddenly Vegeta gets the horrific though that if Bulma ever finds out about this little "physical examination", there won't be enough left of him to make cat food)  
-Vegeta:Uh, I have to go.  
-Quistis:What!?  
-Grand KaiWhat!?  
-Vegeta:Not that I didn't enjoy this little, er, excursion, but I really must get home.  
-Quistis:(Pressing provocatively on top of Vegeta) Oh, come on. Stay a little longer. I promise you won't get bored.  
-Vegeta:*gulp* That's what I'm afraid of! Look, the fact is that, Hey! Get your hands out of there!  
Grand Kai:Ha, ha, ha! This is good shit!  
-Quistis:Come on! I've even got some whipped cream if you get hungry.  
(Vegeta blows Quistis into cinders. I mean blasts her into cinders! Yeah!)  
-Vegeta:(panting heavily) Sorry babe, but that's exactly what happens to married men when their wives get really pissed off.  
-Grand Kai:Hey, you little troll! I was enjoying that!  
-Vegeta:It's not my fault that you can't get any, Grand Kai!  
-Grand Kai:Damn you, you loud mouth censorship avocet! I'll mutilate your face to the point of no return!  
-Vegeta:Come fight me then, you over glorified high chair stationed weakling!  
(Thunderbolts crash down obliterating the hospital. Under the red skies of mercury, with the sun hanging like a wreath that covers half the sky, the Grand Kai (dressed as a Kiss singer) and Vegeta (fanning himself) square off in a battle to end all battles)  
-Vegeta and Grand Kai: Grunt grunt oof grunt snort grunt grunt arrg grunt ow bash bam flang pow grunt grunt zap oof bang snort ffffft sorry grunt grunt blast bang bang bang grunt snort snort snort grunt og pow ow, you bastard! shot shoot bang boom grunt burst bang sock sock oof oof crunch splatter maim rend tear oof grunt grunt ow dang, that smarts! grunt oof oo grunt snorrrrrrt grunt bash grunt grunt band boom blast blast whaa grunt ow bang sock punch punch kick grunt ow ow ow ow you are so dead! you are so running out of dialouge! grunt grunt vent fume maim rend tear hurt grunt pant pant grunt snorrrrrrrrrrt! snort snort get Babe out of here! that's you, man! oh. ow ow grunt sock punch harm maim hurt grunt grunt blast boom sock sock sock sock sock sock smelly sock darn you! grrrrrrrrrrunnnt! snnnnnorrrrrrrrrt! shoom shoom booom arrg ahhh thud smack ow grunt.  
(Vegeta emerges as the victor!)  
-Vegeta:What a battle! I could really use a doct . . . no, actually, I guess I'm fine after all! Time to head home!  
  
-ED:FOR MY THIRTY-EIGHTH WISH, I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO RECALL MY FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM!  
-Goku:. . .Well, what is it?  
-ED:I DO NOT KNOW! FOR MY THIRTY NINTH WISH, I WISH TO BE ABLE TO RECALL IF I EVER HAD ICE CREAM BEFORE AT ALL!  
-Goku:(positively bored out of his mind) Well . . .  
-ED:I NOW THAT I HAVE DO NOT KNOW WHAT ICE CREAM IS, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SOME! SO, FOR MY FIFTIETH WISH, I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT ICE CREAM IS! . . . THAT SOUNDS REALLY NASTY! SO, FOR MY FIFTY FIRST WISH, I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HAVE THAT I WOULD ENJOY MORE!  
-Goku:Just hurry up!  
-ED:I NOW KNOW THAT BEEF JERKY IS A TERRIFIC PARTY FAVOR. NOW FOR MY FIFTY SECOND WISH, I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT MY FAVORITE FLAVOR OF BEEF JERKY IS!  
-Goku:Geez!  
  
-Sailor Moon:Ow, what a jolt. What's been hap . . . AHH!! All the diamonds are gone! Mini Moon! Mini Moon!!  
-Mini Moon:Oh yeah . . . I like vodka, too . . .mmm, it's yummy . . . wha . . . yeah, I'm drunk as hell, now . . .  
-Sailor Moon:MINI MOON!  
-Mini Moon:Huh! Hey, that dream was getting good!  
-Sailor Moon:Too good, if you ask me! Who were you dreaming about anyway?  
-Mini Moon:Let's see . . he was tall, dark, and dressed real classy and wore a white mask . . .  
-Sailor Moon:Oooo, you little slime ball! How dare you dream about Darien! He's mine and you can't have him!   
-Mini Moon:What are you talking about? I mean the Tao Master Hozonko. I was chained to a wall and pretending to be his slave. I was just about to break free and kick him where it hurts, but then you came in and . . .  
-Sailor Moon:I don't care. As long as it's not Darien, I'm ff . . . The Silver Imperium Crystal has been stolen!  
-Mini Moon:Oh no! Not again! . . . Hey wait, you didn't even know which diamond it was.  
-Sailor Moon:They've all been stolen, you brat!  
-Mini Moon:This is really bad, without it, we can't fight off the negaverse monsters! Like that one looming over us!  
-Sailor Moon:Wwahhh!  
-Bulma:Turns out someone also took my big ass laser cannon. No problem, though. Now that you've lost that crystal thing, I can ring your puny little necks anyway!  
(Bulma starts strangling Sailor Moon)  
-Mini Moon:Don't! The Silver Imperium Crystal has been stolen!  
-Bulma:I know that! It makes me very happy to know that! Very happy, indeed!  
-Mini Moon:But you don't understand! If we don't get that crystal back to Sailor Moon, it could be used to open the gate-way to the Negaverse! Then it's demons and monsters will conquer this earth and enslave all it's people in an evil dynasty that will last until the end of time! She's Neo Queen Serenity, and without her power . . .  
-Bulma:Kid. It all sounds really bad, but this show has kicked the butts of the demons who want to conquer Earth so hard that the rest of the underworld is suffering upper back pain! Why should I be worried?  
-Mini Moon:Oh, right, this is DBZ. Uh . . . The Silver Imperium Crystal, uh, if in the wrong hands like it, er, probably is, will, uh . . . roy-yall-lee fuck up the, uh, whole universe. Did I get it right?  
-Bulma:(stricken with panic) Why didn't you just say that in the first place? C'mon, we gotta hurry and find the stupid rock!  
-Mini Moon:Damn, I'm good!   
-Sailor Moon:Where did you learn to talk like that?  
-Mini Moon:Darien taught me! He also taught me how to nail Tao Masters in the knads!  
-Sailor Moon:He never *sniff* taught me to do that . . . Waaaaaaa haa haaaaaa!  
-Bulma:Why the heck is she crying?  
-Mini Moon:Her boyfriend never taught her to talk like a sailor.  
-Bulma:Well, then I'll teach her on the way!  
-Mini Moon:Where are we going?  
-Bulma:If we can find either my hubbie or this other meat head I know, then we'll be able to track this rock in no time.  
-Mini Moon:Right fucking on!  
-Bulma:Damn strait!  
-Sailor Moon:Stop making me feel inferior! Waaaaaaa haa haaaaaaa!  
  
-Cartman:You think you're so tough, huh? You ass munching fucker, I could beat you into a cow pie right here, bitch!  
-Gohan:That's a pretty significant challenge, and I accept, but you won't survive this!  
-Cartman:What ever! I've been waiting to check out what this V-chip can really do! Damned fucker bitch cock-sucker shit head poo fart!  
(Gohan get's blasted by Cartman's electric bolt born of the malfunctioning V-chip in his head, designed to stop his incessant cussing.)  
-Gohan:Ow! How'd a third grader get so much power?  
-Cartman:I'm just special that way, you drag queen mother fucking crap toad!  
(ZZap!)  
-Gohan:(Goes Super Saiyan 2) You die now!  
(Gohan blasts Cartman, who narrowly dodges. The blast instead, hit's Kenny)  
-Cartman:Oh, my god, you killed Kenny!  
-Gohan:And you're next!  
-Cartman:Oh, shit!  
(ZZap!)  
-Gohan:RRRAGH!  
(Vaporizes the terrain with a tremendous fireball)  
-Cartman:Oookay, then! But I can top that! Dog shit mother *beep beeeppeep beep beep beep beeeeepbeep beep beep beep* Hey, what's going on!  
-Commercials:Sorry, but we are marketing to children here, so even though there is lot's of violence, blood, sex, and cussing, we think that the "monologue" you are endeavoring to do can go without being heard, so long as it produces the desired effect. Right?  
-Cartman:Fuck you, bitch. We've got freedom of speech in this country!  
-Commercials:Ha, ha! This is a Japanese cartoon, nitwit!  
-Cartman:Okay! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*  
(Commercials fry!)  
-Commercials:How dare you attack Corporate America so openly!  
-Cartman:Ha ha! You stupid bitch! (zolt!) You just said this was America! That means I can fucking cuss as much as I want and you can't do a fucking thing about it! (Zaap!)  
-Heero:Did you just say fuck?  
-Cartman:You stupid bitch. You're just as much of a fucking stupid bitch as this fucking stupid bitch is a fucking stupid bitch, you fucking stupid bitch! Of course I did! (Zot zing zappaparu!)  
-Heero:Just checking.   
(Raises gun to cream Cartman.)  
-Cartman:You can't play the fucking Judge, fucking jury, and fucking executioner! I bet you fucked all three of them, you terd wad! (Zaps Epyon)  
-Gohan:I am getting really sick of your mouth, whoever you are!  
-Heero:Just let me get a lock on his front incisor, and that'll be the end of it!  
-Cartman:Hey, where's that fucked up pimp Tenchi gone off to. (Zot!)  
-Heero:Who cares! System ready!  
-Gohan:Wait, it's not good to fucking . . . whoa, did I just say that!  
-Heero:Oh no. It's fucking spreading!   
-Commercials:Why didn't you us that you were fucking contagious when we crossovered you!  
-Cartman:You didn't fucking ask. (Zap!)  
-Dark lord:Cartman is ruining our advertising capability. Activate the "Ragnorak Harbinger" and get these three out of the story.   
-Commercials:But that means the whole fucking episode will start winding down.  
-Dark Lord:There is no other way. Activate it.  
-Commercials:Yes, big shit chief!  
(Commercial pulls a switch. "Ragnorak Harbinger" is activated)  
-Dark Lord:And now we wait, and see.  
  
-Vegeta:Well, I don't know how I did it, but I'm back on Earth!  
-Bulma:Hey, Vegeta.  
-Vegeta:(in an alternate universe) Ah, my loving wife. I've missed you.  
-Bulma:(in an alternate universe) So have I. Have you had a good Halloween? I got lots of candy, but you haven't given me enough of you, sweetie!  
-Vegeta(in an alternate universe) All in due time, my dearest.  
-Vegeta(in this universe) What do you want?  
-Bulma:(in this universe) Sheez, you look like shit. Oh, well, things are normal.  
-Vegeta:Silence, woman. I could do better off with out you!  
-Bulma:I bet I could, too! In fact, I think I'll prove it to you!  
-Vegeta:You! You couldn't find your way around a tree branch without me!  
-Bulma:We'll see who the least coordinated one is, won't we. Let's have a race! This freaky little hoochy just got some big grey rock stolen by Megaman.   
-Vegeta:I love that video game! But why should I agree to chase him just to get a big grey rock.  
-Sailor Moon:Cause we'll all get a stratospheric wedgy if we don't get it back!  
-Vegeta:A what?  
-Sailor Moon:Forget it.  
-Mini Moon:If Megaman Man activates it, this reality is totally fucked!  
-Vegeta:Ha ha! Is that supposed to worry me! Although, this does look like a challenge I'm sure a woman like Bulma isn't up to. You sissies stay put while I go and rock his world!  
-Bulma:You're not getting rid of me that easy, you wimp!  
-Vegeta:You're absolutely right!  
(Blasts a building and buries Bulma's Jet under a pile of rubble)  
-Vegeta:Heh, heh! I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win!  
(Flys off)  
-Bulma:You see. Isn't he great?  
-Sailor Moon:Yeah . . . great. Uh, I guess we just sit here now.  
-Bulma:No way! (Tosses out a capsule that turns into a Panzer Tank) Let's go where the action is!  
-Sailor Moon:No really! This spot of rubble is quite comfy!  
-Bulma:Oh, fine then! Are you coming!  
-Mini Moon:Hell yeah!  
-Bulma:Then let's go!  
(Bulma and Mini Moon climb into the tank and drive off)  
-silence:woah, i'm getting a big part in this story. oh, here we go . . .  
-Sailor Moon:. . . They . . . they really left me! They really left me all alone in a pile of rubble!  
(Runs after the tank as fast as she can)  
-Sailor Moon:Wait! Wait for me!   
  
-King Kai:Okay, for those of you who are totally lost, like me, here's where we stand as of now. The commercials, angry about not getting their time, have wrecked what little bit of shoddy story we had before, and now have activated some kind of dooms day devise called the "Ragnorak Harbinger". Vegeta, who was taken to a hospital on Venus and seduced by the doctor there, Quistis, has wound up back on earth after knocking out the Grand Kai, who was pissed off because Vegeta ended the action a little too early for his tastes. It's still supposed to be Halloween, but you know what, who cares anymore! Meanwhile, the Eternal Dragon has been summoned by himself and has gone completely senile! Then there is Megaman Man who is using Sailor Moon's source of power in his buster gun, and Sailor Mini Moon, who's got a real mouth on her. Vegeta and Bulma are both look . . .oh shit! Let's take a look at this!  
(camera angle shifts)  
-Scene description:The terrain is well past the description of dark and gloomy. The skies thunder and massive craters dot the surface of the landscape. The blast made by Gohan earlier is little more than a scratch on the earth in comparison to the others. Epyon lies in scattered shards of tin foil about the landscape. Sparks fly around the remains of Cartman, who even though ripped piece by two dimensional piece, feebly continues his incessant swearing. Gohan strains weakly at the bottom of one of the craters, with near every bone in his body broken, to reach for his senzue beans. On the minds of all present and still able to think is only the thought of the horror that came and went in it's savage fury.  
-King Kai:What could've done this? Let's see if I can find it . . .it seems to be headed for the city where the rest of them are . . .   
(scans for a few moments, and then starts trembling)  
-King Kai:I see it, it's . . . it's . . .what on Earth is . . . that thing!?  
  
-ED:FOR MY NEXT WISH, I WOULD LIKE TO REMEMBER WHICH WISH I AM CURRENTLY ON!  
-Goku:Dude, this sucks! I'm leaving!  
-ED:AH, FOR 138TH WISH, I WISH GOKU TO BE BOUND HAND AND FOOT AS MY PERSONAL SLAVE!!  
-Goku:Oh, no!  
-ED:HA, HA, HA! NOW FOR MY 139TH WISH, I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO COUNT UP TO WISH NUMBER 200 WITHOUT SLIPPING UP ONCE!  
-Goku:I beg you! Kill me now!  
  
-Megaman:Hee, hee! No more Doctor Wiley! No more eight bit robot enemies! No more Doctor Light and his lame-o upgrades! I just rule! I don't need any of them anymore! Ha ha!  
(Incinerates most of town in one blast of the Ouchy Effect)  
-Vegeta:There you are!  
-Megaman:Vegeta!   
-Both simultaneously:Your video game rules! Especially the third version!  
-Vegeta:I mean I'm here to kill you, and take back that weirdo grey rock you took from that rainbow bunny girl in high heels.  
-Megaman:Why? You're not a champion of justice or a nice guy to girls who've lost their jewelry.  
-Vegeta:No, but I am eager to show up my wife!  
-Megaman:And the truth comes out! Oh, well, just because you're married, I'll humor you! (Fiercly) You will never take it back form me as long as I draw breath!  
-Vegeta:I can fix that problem! Grrrrruunnnnnt!  
-Mini Moon:Wait!  
-Vegeta:What! I'm a little busy here!  
-Mini Moon:If you fight with the Silver Crystal, it will wreak untold destruction across the earth!  
-Megaman:(fondly examining the devastated city over his shoulder) So?  
-Mini Moon:You're too evil to hold that crystal! I'll take it from you myself!   
I summon you, Pegasus, the Protector of Dreams!!  
(Mini Moon wrings her bell and a huge horse with a flaming mane and a horn on it's forehead appears.)  
-Mini Moon:Uh . . . this doesn't look much like Pegasus. Where are it's wings?  
-Vegeta:It's probably best! If you had summoned him correctly, I 'd have to destroy it so Bulma wouldn't get the upper hand!  
-Mini Moon:What are you people!?  
-Ash:Alright! A wild Rabidash! Go get it, Pikachu!  
-Megaman:Oh, no! OH, NOOO!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!  
(Uses Ouchy Effect on Ash Ketchum. Vegeta and Sailor Moon give him a high five!)  
-Vegeta:I guess we'll call him Ashes from now on!  
-Ash:Heh, heh, heh! Not really!  
-All:What!?  
-Ash:I am immortal! Haven't you noticed that no matter how many giant boulders are animating themselves in my face, or how many streams of fire and psychic energy are in the air, I never get hurt by any of it! Only my pokemon do, and even when they get hit by satellite laser blasts and body slammed by megaton Mooses, all they do is faint! Isn't it obvious! We can't be killed!  
-Megaman:But how did you survive that!? Even immortals would taken some damage!  
-Ash:(chuckling)Pokemon happens to be the 7th sphere of Hades, and I am its champion! With the immense evil powers I have been given, I will dominate multiple realities! Now (twisting his hat backwards) prepare to die!  
(Ash throw out a pokeball, which transforms into a floating ball of darkness with big eyes and fangs)  
-Ash:Ha ha! Every one knows that fighting moves don't work on ghost pokemon, so I sent out Ghastly! What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?   
-Vegeta:Blast it to smithereens!  
-Ghastly:Hey, aren't you Vegeta?  
-Vegeta:Who wants to know?  
-Ghastly:Well, I just came back from the HFIL, where I picked up this year's annual issue of the "Halloween King". An amateur photographer submitted a very interesting picture of one of your friends on page twelve. Care to have a look?  
-Vegeta:It's probably a stall tactic, but I'll humor you!  
(Ghastly tosses a magazine with Dabura's Picture on the cover to Vegeta. He flips to page twelve and starts laughing)  
-Vegeta:How did he get those Jolly Ranchers up his nose!? Ha ha ha!  
-Bulma:Let me see. (Looks in and then grips her sides in laughter) Goku you idiot!  
-Ash:Ghastly, you're supposed to be fighting!  
-Ghastly:I am. You'll see. Propaganda is the best weapon against fools.  
(Sailor Moon, Mini Moon, and Bulma are laughing hysterically. Vegeta is rolling on the ground while trying to decide where in his room to hang the picture)  
  
-Ryoko:I saw it! Let's get out of here! I think it already took Ayeka!  
-Tenchi:Well, we can't leave her here!  
-Ryoko:Oh, yes we can!!  
-Washu:It's almost ready! Just a few more adjustments and we're outta here!  
-Kione:Mihoshi! Stop crying!  
-Mihoshi:But I'm scared and I didn't get any candy!  
-Ryoko:Would someone shut her up!  
(*crash*)  
-silence:me again. (*crash*) i'm not making these creepy noises, though. . .  
-Ryoko:It coming . . .  
-Tenchi:(Pulling out his sword) I'll hold it off for as long as I can. You guys get out of here!  
-Washu:No need for sacrifices, Tenchi! I think it's up and running!  
-Ryoko:What'll this do? (*crash*)  
-Washu:That thing that's chasing us is a product of this dimension. This will transcend time and space and get us back to our series where we belong! At least, I think it will! (*crash*)  
-Kione:What'll happen if it doesn't work?  
-Washu:We might wind up moving around in this dimension a little bit, (*crash*) but other than that, nothing bad. (*crash*)  
-Ryoko:All right, a no strings attached invention!  
-Washu:Of course, some of your faces might get screwed up pretty bad if the stabilizer doesn't work! (*crash crash*)  
-Ryoko:It's almost here!   
-Tenchi:Every one get in!  
(trees splinter nearby)  
-Washu:Engaging! Systems functioning! Code green!  
-Sasami:What about Ayeka!  
-Ayeka:*yawn* Someone say my name?  
-Ryoko:Oh, man! Can we wait long enough just to throw her off the ship?  
(The last trees between the group and the beast are ripped up out of the ground. An enormous mass of billowing darkness stands before them in all it's fury! Opening it's mouth in a triumphant roar, it's venomous teeth are as visible as the hellish fire behind them! Hurting the trees madly away and toppling several more in the process, the swirling black mass charges at the trembling party in what will assuredly be a fatal onslaught!)  
-Washu:Here we go!  
(The beast leaps onto the machine just as a flash of light causes it to vanish. The surprised demon scrambles to regain it footing, and after quickly realizing its defeat, howls in rage at his prey's narrow escape. Any creature that had stood it's ground before flees in terror, following Tenchi's example. Then, its pride restored somewhat, the monster silently glides back into the darkness of the forests to hunt new game.)  
  
-Piccolo:So, a Namek can't get fat if he drinks to much water?  
-Dende:Water doesn't contain any fat, dip weed!  
-Piccolo:But what about that candy you were eating!  
-Dende:Eating stuff like this once a year isn't going to hurt anyone!  
-Piccolo:But what about Guru? He was overweight and was responsible for our planet's demise!  
-Dende:You poor, sick, paranoid bastard. You only visited Namek once in your life, and that was when it was being destroyed! Guru had nothing to do with it.  
-Piccolo:But I thought . . .  
-Dende:You thought, you thought, you thought! Do me a favor and stop meditating so much! Read a book or something! A man left to his entirely to his own thoughts seldom becomes wise.  
-Piccolo:Hey, did you make that up?  
-Dende:No, you did! Pr. Popo told me all of Kami's proverbs.  
-Piccolo:Oh. Great, half of me wants to figure out the world, and the other half would like to conquer it!  
  
-Vegeta:Hahahahahahahah! Oh, the pain! The, hee, hee, pain! My sides Haha! can't take much more! Heeheeheehahahahahahah! Quick! Hah hah! Turn the page! Ah hahahhahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhah!  
-Bulma:Vegeta! It really isn't that funny!  
-Vegeta:Hurry!! Hahaha! Turn it quick!  
-Bulma:Fine.  
(turns page)  
-Bulma:Oh, this looks interesting. "My Crippled Lover", by a first time writer named Quistis.  
-Vegeta:TURN IT BACK!! TURN IT BACK!!  
-Ghastly:Bwa hah haa!  
  
-Buu:Geez. Do I not get a part in this story or something! Isn't anyone going to try and save Gotenks from being a chocolate bar? Aren't the commercials going to crossover some geeky guy named Yikes! Really, I'd better see my agent about this, because you know what, it really sucks being bored in this cartoon when you're the strongest villain in the series.  
-Mr. Satan:Really! Neither one of use has gotten more than a one line part, and we're both really important characters!  
-Buu:We, I've gotten several lines, and Sailor Moon was dressed as you.  
-Mr. Satan:True. But does anyone else think that's weird though?  
-Krillin:Yeah! I'm dressed as Steve Austin! C'mon, that's a funny gig! Why haven't I gotten a single part in this whole mess until now?  
-Mr. Satan:Actually, I was talking about Sailor Moon in one of my patented costumes. Don't you think she might be suggesting something.  
-Krillin:Don't go there, man.  
-Buu:But really! We've got the best names in the series to be cast a major characters in a Halloween special! Well, maybe not Krillin, but if you cross out the "r", think about it!  
-Mr. Satan:That's right, we're indispensable and talented, yet not given the appreciation we deserve! I say we do something about all of this!  
-Krillin:That's right! It's the producers who have put us in this rut, so we should be attacking them!  
-Buu:And the easiest way to attack the producers is through . . .  
-All:The commercials!  
-Commercials:Huh?  
-Mr. Satan:We want a part in this blasted series and we want it now!  
-Commercials:Why? We've already activated the Ragnorak Harbinger. All you guys are going to be wiped out of existence in a few minutes, so there's no reason to start getting you involved now!  
-Buu:I turned the most bad-ass pre-adolescents in the universe into a chocolate bar and rescuing them hasn't even come up yet! That was 17 pages ago!  
-Commercials:Well, the original script put you in the forefront after Goku took care of the warhead, but the Grand Kai wouldn't give us our advertising time, so we kinda didn't leave room for you guys when we screwed up the plot. Krillin, you really weren't supposed to have a line in this at all. Mr. Satan, you're an idiot! Had to say it. NO, you didn't have much of a part either beside getting smeared by Vegeta along with the rest of the . . .  
-Mr. Satan:I don't care! I'm the champion still, and I want some action in this piece of crap before get all get wiped out!  
-Krillin and Buu:Yeah!  
-Commercials:Oh, alright. I guess we can gate in a few dead people and crossover to Super Metriod. Sound good?  
-Mr. Satan:Uh, well, could you pick someone weaker than Samus?  
-Commercials:I was hoping you'd say that! NO! Hahahahahah!  
(Frieza, Mewtwo, Samus, and Godzilla appear.)  
-Frieza:Dammit! There can't be two ugly, power mad aliens with pale skin and super powers!  
-Mewtwo:Believe it! But only one of us wears lip stick!  
-Frieza:You take that back! This is how my lips really look! Honest! Besides, your spinal cord protrudes hideously in the back of you neck!  
-Mewtwo:It allows me to this!  
(Blasts Frieza into submission with a psychic assault)  
-Frieza:Oh yeah! Watch this!  
-Mewtwo:Don't you dare show me what you can do with your black lip stick!  
-Frieza:What do mean by that! You stupid creature!  
(Launches a planet shattering attack at Mewtwo, who counters with a mind blowing psychic wave)  
-Frieza:You can't keep this up forever, you slimy kangaroo!  
-Mewtwo:I won't have to, and how do you know what a kangaroo is?  
-Samus:Both of you shut up!  
(Samus nails them with her blaster)  
-Mewtwo:See?  
-Frieza:I'll kill this armored punker first, and then take care of you! Then we'll see who is the most powerful pale skinned conqueror in the universe!  
-Mewtwo:I hate to break it to you, but you don't qualify for that position anymore.  
-Frieza:What?  
(Looks at himself. Samus's ray blast gave him a fashionable tan)  
-Frieza:Oh, fuck!  
-Mewtwo:What's wrong with having a tan. I've been trying to get one for years, and thanks to Samus, my prayers have been answered!  
-Samus:No charge.  
-Frieza:I can't have a tan! I'm an Icer! An Icer! My whole lifestyle is a ridiculous pun! I'm cold hearted! I drink iced tea! I have icecicles for dread locks if I have hair at all! Instead of a water bed, I sleep on an ice cube! Instead of quarrels on dates, we give each other cold shoulders! Instead of cooking food, we chill it, and stuff our leftovers in an oven! Instead of cremating people, we bury them in Iceburgs! Instead of turning up the heat in the winter, we turn on the AC until it's so cold, it burns! I'll be exiled for this!  
-Krillin:Aren't you already dead?  
-Frieza:Oh, yeah . . .  
-Mr. Satan:Don't tell me a little shrimp like you knows this blue skinned weakling.  
-Frieza:What did you say?  
-Mr. Satan:I guess the mighty Mr. Satan didn't say it loud enough. You're puny. You look you you've never even touched barbells in you entire life! I bet you'd get weak at the knees just looking at them.  
-Frieza:Funny. I thought I just cut loose with some great maneuvers against Mewtwo.  
-Mr. Satan:Even if you did, it obviously wasn't good enough to make me turn away from my Caramel Apples. Therefore, it sucked!   
-Samus:Caramel Apples, hmm. (raises blaster) I want one.  
-Mr. Satan:Gi . . sure, take what you want! Just don't blast me.  
-Samus:Don't know why those commercials called you an idiot. You're smart enough for me. *chomp*  
-Frieza:I'll take one, too.  
-Mr. Satan:Hhahahahah! You weakling! You're gonna have ta fight for it!  
-Frieza:Sounds fun. Hope you're ready to die. That goes for all of you!  
-Krillin:Oh, no . . .  
-Godzilla:Little blue man, who the heck are you fighting? You've challenged everyone here but me!  
-Mewtwo:What are you doing here, anyway. You aren't even animated!  
-Buu:This still sucks!  
-Commercials:What now?  
-Buu:You've brought it one dead guy and three crossovers that don't even make sense! I want something cool just for me to shove around!  
-Commercials:Alright! Good grief . . .  
-Frieza:Take that! *shoom*  
-Mr. Satan:What was that? I. . . I can't believe it! I blocked my first energy blast! Oh, yeah!  
-Frieza:Huh . . .  
-Krillin:Oh, I get it! The characters from each series get progressively stronger, regardless of their race and talent levels! But since Frieza last appeared at the beginning of the Buu Saga and was no stronger than he was at the end of his own Saga, then Mr. Satan has actually surpassed Frieza in fighting ability!  
(Mr. Satan gets blasted into the air by a massive explosion that was distinctively Freiza's.)  
-Krillin:Well, so much for that theory!  
-Freiza:And you're next! Heck, I've killed you twice before this! It shouldn't be that hard!  
-Godzilla:Uh, did you challenge me, yet.  
-Frieza:Sure, why not!  
-Godzilla:Okay!  
(Godzilla melts Frieza into a little puddle of radioactive goop with his breath.)  
-Buu:Where's my punching bag?  
(Godzilla gets pooped into the air by a super powerful blow from what appear to be a bag of women underwear.)  
-Happosai:Get your own, and lose some weight while you're at it, you lug! What a haul!(lands by Buu)  
-Buu:You've gotta be kidding me!  
-Commercials:We figured it would be best for you to fight someone on your level of thought.  
-Buu:Where is that End Game Harbinger person!  
(Trees burst open as a dark figure runs into the area)  
-Happosai:Hmm, never had a girl that could track me that fast!  
-Chi-chi:You ugly pervert!  
-Master Roshi:I resent that!  
-Samus:This is getting too complicated!  
(Samus blasts everyone)  
-Chi-Chi:That hurt! All that does is make me more angry!  
-Samus:How did you survive that!? What are you!?  
-Chi-Chi:What does it look like! I'm a bad-ass woman who's very pissed off because her husband didn't come back with her youngest son by curfew!  
-Samus:Hey, I know the feeling.  
-Chi-Chi:How would you know the feeling?  
-Samus:I'm a bad-ass woman who get's pissed off alot, too. Actually, I lost my son like that.  
-Chi-Chi:Oh, wow. I didn't even know you were a girl. When did you lose your kid?  
-Samus:I lost him on a Halloween 14 years ago. My husband was off with my youngest son when he got mugged by this mad scientist type person. I was so pissed off when my man got home without my kid that I killed him. I have a short temper.  
-Chi-Chi:Me, too. Do you regret losing your husband at all?  
-Samus:Not really. I do kinda miss my son, though.  
-Chi-Chi:Oh, really. Yeah, my sons are always out saving reality and junk like that. Say, why don't we go and get some coffee? Then maybe we can try to find your lost kid.  
-Samus:Sounds great. I think that's yours over there.  
-Goten:Mom!  
-Chi-Chi:Where'd you come from?  
-Goten:I was trapped as Gotenks in a cookie, but when that weirdo in the armor fragged Buu, I got out!  
-Samus:Weirdo, huh? (raises cannon)  
-Chi-Chi:Samus, wait! When you're insulted, violence just isn't the answer. Trust me! You can control yourself, and it'll pay off better in the end.  
-Samus:. . . Really?  
-Chi-Chi:No, I lied. Fire away!  
-Goten:Bye Mom!(flys off)  
(Chi-Chi grins)  
-Samus:Cool! I wish I'd raised my kids like that.  
-Chi-Chi:Let's go get some jo.  
-Commercials:(crippled) You fools! Now that we are dying, there is no way your reality will survive! Without the network, your future will never be broadcasted, and you will exist in re-run forever! Not to mention the monsters that have been unleashed upon this reality will . . .  
-Samus:Aw, shaddup!*BOOM* (commercials die)  
-Chi-Chi:Nice one.  
  
-Grand Kai:Hahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahhahahhahahah! We win!  
  
-Vegeta:Bulma, really! It's not what it says!  
-Bulma:Then explain to me why the details are so accurate!  
-Vegeta:It must have been a, er, lucky guess!   
-Bulma:I don't think so! She calculated every measurement of your body flawlessly!  
-Vegeta:How do you know that?  
-Bulma:Women sometimes pay attention to these things.  
-Vegeta:But she was only on top of me for . . . I mean, well, uh, I . . .  
-Bulma:Save it!! (Capsule thrown, and turns into gigantic torture device)  
-Vegeta:Really, Bulma, I'm sorry!  
-Bulma:(Pulling switch) Too little, too late, honey dearest!  
(Torture device proceeds to flog Vegeta)  
-Vegeta:Ow, ow, ow, where'd you get this thing, anyway?  
-Bulma:Last week's auction! This belonged to Lois Lane when her hubbie was a bad boy!  
-Sailor Moon:Can we have the Silver Imperium Crystal back, now?  
-Megaman:No way! It's all mine!  
-Sailor Moon:But think of the damage you'll cause!  
-Megaman:With great pride! Certainly!  
-Ash:Hey, a moonstone! Now I can evolve Nidorano! Ghastly, go get it!  
-Ghastly:Broo haa ha!  
-Megaman:Get back, ugly! (uses Ouchy Effect and frags everything in the area. Ghastly faints)  
-Ash:Ghastly return! (Ghastly gets zapped back into poke ball) Now I'll use Chikorita! (cute little dinosaur with a leaf on it's head appears) Use Vine whip!  
-Megaman:Die!(Chikorita is fragged by the Ouchy Effect)  
-Ash:Chikorita, return!(Zap) Now I'll use . . .  
-Megaman:How about giving up! None of your slaves can get through!  
-Ash:They're not slaves! They're my friends! FRIENDSHIP!!!  
(Suddenly a creature pops out of ash's Pokeball and transforms into a four armed giant pro wrestler) Alright! A Machamp! I didn't even know I had one of those!  
-Megaman:You won't for long! (uses Ouchy Effect)  
-Ash:Machamp, dodge and use your strongest attack!   
-Machamp:Maaaach!  
(Machamp dodges and ass-rapes Megaman)  
-Megaman:Damn you all! (starts useing Ouchy Effect everywhere, but to no avail)  
-Ash:Keep it up, Machamp! Kill him and get the Moon Stone!  
-Sailor Moon:You bastard!(Jump kicks Ash Ketchum)  
-Ash:Ow! Hey, you can't do that! No attacking Pokemon Trainers! Only pokemon can fight!  
-Sailor Moon:Great! I'm Sailor-mon! HRRAGHH!!  
-Ash:Ow! Pikachu, help!  
-Megaman:Get off me, you ugly fruitcake!  
(Suddenly, Machamp gets blasted and KOed from the side)  
-Samus:This is interesting.  
-Chi-Chi:Really weird. Hey, is that Bulma over there? Hi!  
-Bulma:Oh, hey! How's it going?  
-Vegeta:Chi-Chi! I swear I'll clean house for you for a month if you can just reason with her and get me down from here!  
-Chi-chi:You clean my house? No way! I'd have to get Goku to help me repair it afterwards!  
*ZZaaap!*  
-Sailor Moon:OWWwwWW!! Someone help me with this little rat!  
-Mini Moon:Sure, mama! Pink Sugar Heart Attack!  
(Pikachu gets bumped a little by the colorful assault)  
-Ash:You weaklings! Ha hahah!  
-Megaman:Eat this, freak-achu!(Ouchy Effect. Pikachu faints)  
-Ash:NOOO!!! (disintegrates. Pikachu is the real star of Pokemon, so without him, Ash is destroyed!)  
-Samus:Alright! Cool move, junior!  
-Megaman:Mom! Is it really you!  
(Emotional scene with Samus and Megaman rushing to hug each other, and then putting each other in bone crunching headlocks as they make contact)  
-Samus:You slimy little rascal!  
-Megaman:You bloodsucking blackwidow!  
-Samus:Why didn't you tell me you had more video game sequels than me?  
-Megaman:I couldn't get to you. The commercials kept me in my own games and shows!  
-Samus:You had a cartoon show, too!?  
-Megaman:Yeah, but hey, you're in Smash Brothers! Anyway, I couldn't leave! The advertising section stick me on a twenty four hour work schedule! That's why I was hell bent on keeping the crystal! So I could make those soul-sucking executives pay attention!  
-Samus:You sneaky little bastard! I'm so proud of you!  
-Megaman:I love you, mom!  
(Both laugh heartily in each other's embrace. On lookers wonder about the real nature of mother to son relationships, and marvel at how cute the two look together. Megaman man discards the crystal, and Sailor Moon grabs it up pretty quickly, and is finally content. Vegeta roars in agony at being subjected to a family reunion while also being tortured by his wife. Nothing, however, can break the solemn bonding of the two bad-ass mech warriors, together at long last. But then . . .)  
*CRASH*  
-Chi-Chi:Oh, shit. That's where Samus just blasted everybody!  
-Bulma:What is it?  
-Krillin:It must be that Ragnorak Harbinger the Commercials were talking about before they got killed.  
-Samus:How the heck did you survive?  
-Krillin:I was rejected by King Yama. Too short!  
-Vegeta:Why not let me down so I can fight it? Why not just let me down!  
-Bulma:Can it! We've gotta get to Goku!  
-Vegeta:That weakling! But why!  
-Bulma:Because for some strange reason, we always win when he's fighting! Unlike some other cheapskate super Saiyans I know!  
-Vegeta:Then let me down so I can go and find him!  
-Bulma:This thing has wheels! I'm not letting you down until you've learned your lesson!  
-Vegeta:Come on! What is it with you women holding a grudge all the time!  
*Crash*  
-Krillin:Uh, I really think that whatever we do, we'd better do it now! That thing's getting closer!  
-Chi-Chi:Well let's fight it then!  
-Samus:Great idea!  
-Megaman:Mom?  
-Samus:You guys shove off and try to find Goku. *Cocking blaster* We'll stay and keep it busy for you!  
-Chi-Chi:But what if something happens to you guys?  
-Samus:Then we'll get pissed off and rip the thing to pieces!  
-Chi-Chi:But you two just found each other after fourteen years of searching!  
-Megaman:Yeah, and now we'll celebrate by kicking ass!  
-Samus:Roger that! Ha ha!  
-Bulma:They're either psychos with death wishes or really really strong.  
-Vegeta:They might just be very stupid!  
(Samus and Megaman blast Vegeta)  
-Vegeta:Free at last! Ha ha . . ha . . .  
(faints)  
-Bulma:(tosses out capsule turning into rocket powered greyhound bus) Everyone get on! We'll go and find Goku. You guys just hang in there! Okay!  
(bus loads up and drives off)  
-Samus:I thought she'd never shut up and go. I was this close to blasting the snot out of her!  
*Crash!*  
-Samus:Ready, kiddo?  
-Megaman:No sweat, Ma!  
(Samus and Megaman both charge their blasters to their maximum capacity. The thunderous footsteps of the Ragnorak Harbinger sound all about the grinning duo. Pebbles begin to disintegrate around the two as their blasters power reaches critical levels. But just as this level is being reached, the swarthing mass of terror barrels ferociously through the buildings, not even slowing as it charges toward them in it's insane fury. The creatures fangs are barely visible inside it's foaming mouth, and it's eyes burn savagely as it closes in for the kill.)  
-Samus:Watch out, dude! You just landed in the Samus Family's happy hour!  
-Megaman:Also known as the Samus Family's Sadist Hour!  
(Samus and Megaman unleash their barrage, which sends the seathing mass of evil reeling for but an instant. Snarling, the beast regains its bearings and resumes it's berserk advance. Samus and Megaman continue to fire while running circles around the monster, dodging it's pounces and slashes with ease and bombarding the furious behemoth in perfect unison. The synchronized harmony of the mother and son bewilders the demon, who then attempts to topple buildings on top of the two-some. But still the pair of warriors evades the attacks, humbling and confusing the monster. In desperation, the beast sets to spewing flames from its mouth and lasers from it eyes. But even so, the beast continues to receive fleshrending devastation at the hands of the trigger happy family.)  
-Samus:Hey, this isn't that hard!  
-Megaman:Yeah! Wonder what those cowards in the bus were all so afraid of?  
(The overwhelmed demon, enraged far beyond the point of mere fury, thrusts it's dark claws deep within the soil of the Earth, causing the very ground to blacken with evil. As it holds his hands in the ground, a deep, guttural murmur comes from the beast's throat.)  
-Megaman:Hey, hey! I think he's giving up!  
(Then the swirling mass of darkness shrieks wickedly as it wrenches its claws from the ground, summoning an enormous pillar of hell-fire to raze the landscape. The devesting power instantly eliminates all life in the area, and the city sinks into to rubble as it is obliterated. Inside the torrent of flame, thestricken pair of warriors reach for each other as their bodies suddenly begin to crumble, and the mighty Samus barely has time to wisper goodbye to her long lost son as she is barbarically torn from the dimension. Bulma watches the pillar of red light on the edge of the horizon with dismay, and the rest of the passengers bow their heads in a silent, hopeless reverie. Even as the speedometer reads well past 200 mph, the triumphant bellow of the Ragnorak Harbinger still pierces their ears and souls.)  
  
-Grand Kai:I suppose you all are wondering why I called this meeting on such short notice.  
-South Kai:I know why. There's not enough action for you in the four gallaxies, is there? Well, don't you worry! I just legalized prostitution in my quadrant, so there should be plenty of . . .  
-Grand Kai:No, you idiot! I mean, although that is an issue, and I'll thank you for it later, that's not why we're here!  
-King Kai:It has something to do with those commercials, doesn't it.  
-Grand Kai:The commercials are dead! Horray! But there is the fact that the Ragnorak Harbinger has just vaporized a bunch of the characters in the series, and your champion, Goku, is being enslaved by a senile Eternal Dragon. Now, I know this was all fun and games for a while, but now this is serious! If the Ragnorak Harbinger keeps on like this, we're all screwed! There's no teillin' what this thing can do, and it's really killin' people, even if they are stupid crossover characters! That means that they aren't even going to the HFIL! They are just plain being destroyed!  
-West Kai:I offer to send my Pikkan to take care of it. The North Kai obviously can't handle it!  
-King Kai:What did you say!  
-Grand Kai:DAMMIT!! SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALREADY!!  
-silence:whoo, hoo. me again.  
-Grand Kai:That's better. Look, this thing can probably kill us, too, if we don't get it stopped. We need to stop squabbling like three year olds and take care of it! So here's what's gonna happen. North Kai! You get that Dende person to get the Dragon Balls away from that hair brained lizard, and then wish for the him to be smart again! Then, East Kai, you'll take all your fast fighters and collect the Dragon Balls again! West Kai, you get Pikkan down there and let him give that flip-sided bastard a wedgie to remember so he can stall for time! South Kai! You start up that prostitution thing so I can relax a bit! After you get that done, then give the Dragon a wish for the Ragnorak Harbinger to be destroyed and everything returned to normal! Got it!? What, you're still here! Get moving!  
  
-ED:FOR MY 444TH WISH, I'D LIKE TO BE ABLE TO WHISTLE THE THEME FROM THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW! ALRIGHT! *WHISTLE, WHISTLE*  
-Goku:Can I get outta here, yet?  
-ED:FOR MY 445TH WISH, I'LL DO GOKU'S WISH!! CAN HE GET OUTTA HERE YET!?   
-Goku:You mean you'll let me go!  
-ED:HMM. . . THE ANSWER TO YOUR WISH IS NO!!! HAHAHAHAHAH! NOW, FOR MY 446TH WISH, I'D LIKE A BIRTHDAY CAKE! HAVE'NT WISHED FOR ONE YET!  
-Goku:I'll kill you once I've exploited you enough! Do you hear me!? I'll kill you!  
-ED:WHAT? SPEAK UP DOWN THERE! I"M A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING!  
-Goku:Ghaaa!!  
  
-Vegeta:Well, doesn't look like you have a capsule with a BP Station inside it, does it?  
-Bulma:Shut up! You were the one in charge of filling this up!  
-Vegeta:Was not!  
-Bulma:Was, too!  
-Vegeta:Nuh, uh!  
-Bulma:You want back in the torture device?  
-Vegeta:It's out of batteries! Looks like this just isn't your day for energy conservation!  
-Krillin:Man, what is that thing back there? I bet that last attack took care of Samus and Megaman! We're probably next!  
-Bulma:Stop worrying about that and help me push the bus!  
-Vegeta:Why push the bus? It's for riding in, not long side, you imbecile!  
-Bulma:Why don't you push it, then, and give us a ride!  
-Vegeta:After that torture thing! Hell no! I'll be flying over Vegas casinos by the time you reach the outskirts of the next city!  
-Krillin:I bet it's mean, and vicious, and ugly, and barbaric, and cannibalistic and ... (thumbs through "The Complete Idiots Guide To Describing Impending Disasters Due To Over Whelming Cowardice And/Or Boredom") malicious! Woah, that's a good one!  
-Bulma:Stop talking about the monster and help me push the bus!  
-Vegeta:Yeah! The bus of cowards, fueled by non-propane extreme fear!  
-Krillin:How can you be calm at a time like this? That horrible, fleshrending, rabid, putrid . .(thumbs through book) . . malevolent bloodsucking defiler is gonna . .   
-Bulma:I'm serious! Stop talking about the fuckng monster and let's get out of here!  
-Sailor Moon:OH, CRUD!! I WISH I WAS BACK AT SCHOOL, OR CLEANING LUNA'S CAT BOX, OR ANYTHING BUT STANDING HERE WAITING TO BE EATEN!  
-Vegeta:Hah! The great Neo Queen Serenity would rather be a pooper scooper!  
-Krillin:How do you keep laughing about stuff like this! Are you that seasoned a warrior, or are you just insensitive! That Mammoth titan class carnivore is . .   
-Vegeta:(Spazzing out) SHADDUPSHADDUPSHADDUPSHADDUP!!!!! I'm trying to keep from going TOTALLY CRAZY HERE!!!! How would you feel if everyone around you was breaking down over a psychotic raving omnipotent exceedingly violent . . . lemme see that book . . . bloodthirsty famished mutant freak that's on his way here to tear us all LIMB FROM LIMB!!! I tried to keep me cool by making fun of you, but NOOO!! your excessive cowardice has broken what fragile resolve I had!! Now you've fucking DOOMED US ALL!!! DAMMIT!! I, I . . .I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!  
-Bulma:Holy shit! You broke down Vegeta!  
-Savage Demonic Voice:EVERYONE, STOP PANICKING OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO BE AFRAID OF!!!!!  
(everyone, including silence, shuts the frick up!)  
-Chi-chi:Didn't know I could do that, did you! Now listen up, panicking is just gonna make us all go crazy and get killed! Only those with level heads will survive! Get a grip now or get on the ground and wrap yourself in a tortilla! Now, here's what we're gonna do! Bulma! Krillin! Forget about the bus! Veggie head! You take Bulma, the kid with pink hair, and Sailor Moon to safety. Krillin! You carry me! We're gonna find Goku and get rid of the hairball chasing us! Okay, let's move!  
(everyone, including silence, is still shut the frick up!)  
-Chi-Chi:I really gotta stop doing that!  
  
-Piccolo:I'm red this time, and I will surely win!!  
-Dende:As if! I'm the best checker player in the world!  
-Piccolo:Oh yeah! Haaah! (move piece with lots of over exertion motion lines)  
-Dende:Piccolo, are you sure you wanna do that?  
-Piccolo:Ha! Scared, huh!  
-Dende:It's just, that's the same move you've made at the start of all the other games, and I always seem to beat you in one move! I figured you might want to . . .  
-Piccolo:I have a secret strategy this time!  
-Dende:Okay, then . . .(takes every one of Piccolo's pieces) Okay, what's you strategy?  
-Piccolo:Well, uh . . . an octopus!  
-Dende:Where!  
-Piccolo:Behind you!  
-Dende:Then as the guardian of the earth, I order you to get it for me. Piccolo, do you really think I'll fall for such a ridiculous trick!  
-Piccolo:But there really is a big blue octopus behind you!  
-Dende: Yeah right!  
-King Kai:An octopus, huh! That's a new one! *snort*  
-Dende:Oh, King Kai! I was wondering when you would bring the plot back around to us!  
-Piccolo:Now I understand . . .  
-King Kai:I have a very important job for you! The Eternal Dragon has gone senile and is wishing for birthday cakes with it's own dragon balls. It is vital that you return the balls to our control so we can use them to make a wish!  
-Piccolo:A wish for death and destruction!  
(Piccolo leaps up as the other two characters are stunned and confused by this sudden epiphany)  
-Piccolo:I should have known it from the start, but it was only when I saw you again that it all became clear! King Kai! You are the one that clog danced on Namek!  
(Dende and King Kai execute classic fall over sequence)  
-Piccolo:Now you will pay for your crimes! Your refusal to watch your fate has sealed your weight! I mean, sealed your fate! You will die here and now!  
-King Kai:See this halo! I'm already dead! So shut up, already!  
-Piccolo:Oh . . . well, if you were alive, I would have killed you again!  
-Dende:I'll do as you command, most benevolent octopus!  
-King Kai:See that you do . . . hey! I'm a catfish, you dweeb!  
  
(Vegeta has Bulma, Sailor Moon, and Mini Moon in his arms as he flys around)  
-Bulma:You know Sailor Moon, when we're way up here, away from everybody else, and in the arms of my husband, I tend to recall how much of a two-timing hoochy you are, and how I'd love to blow your freaking head off!!  
-Sailor Moon:Well, Bulma, When I'm way up here, I tend to remember how much I hate flying! But I've also got my crystal back, which means I can also fry you!  
-Mini Moon:Mff mff mf mffff mfm mfff fmfm mfff mfffff ffmfmmffff!  
{When I'm way up here in some big guys arms, I tend to recall how much I hate being short!}  
-Vegeta:When I'm way up here carrying three lovely young women, I tend to recall how much better I'd feel if I dropped all three of you right now!  
(lets go of all of them)  
-Girls:Aiiiiiii!  
-Vegeta:Hahahahah!  
(Vegeta then swoops down and catches Bulma while Sailor Moon plummets to the ground)  
-Vegeta:There, now the hoochy is falling from half a mile in the air! Feel better?  
-Bulma:Oh, hell yeah!  
  
-Dende:Hey, Korin!  
-Korin:(dressed as Hello Kitty) Dende, what can I do for you?  
-Dende:Where's Yajarobi?  
-Korin:He's off trick or treating! Dressed up like Raditz!  
-Dende:Not very imaginative. Look, We have a problem! The Eternal Dragon has gone senile, and we need a way to make him smarter so we can take the balls back from him and make a wish.  
-Korin:Alright! A smart pill! No one in this series has ever asked for one! They all want Senzue Beans! Humph! Well, it'll take me just a little while to make, but you don't need to wait around. The commercials crossed over an interesting fellow who should be able to do the job! Why don't you go check on Mr. Popo. I thought I heard some Reggae music from up there earlier.  
-Dende:No problem!  
  
(Sailor Moon and Mini Moon touch down softly)  
-Sailor Moon:Man, what was Vegeta thinking dropping us from that height! If it wasn't for the fact that our skirts are wind resistant and acted as parachutes, we'd both be in a whole mess of pain!  
-Mini Moon:Mama, I don't like this!   
-Sailor Moon:What's not to like! We're alive, aren't we!  
*crash*  
-Sailor Moon:Oh . . . I almost forgot about that guy.   
-Mini Moon:Mama, what're we gonna do! We can't beat that thing if Samus couldn't do it either!  
-Sailor Moon:Oh yes we can! I have the crystal now, remember! And, if Samus had chosen a more fashionable hair style (flips her locks around) she might have had a better chance!  
*crash crash*  
-Sailor Moon:Time to power up!  
-Mini Moon:Mama wait! This is DBZ still! Here, your power ups might not make you invincible while you activate them!  
-Sailor Moon:Hmm, good point. Hey! Let's go Super Saiyan like they do!  
-Mini Moon:What?  
-Sailor Moon:C'mon! I'm the Moon Princess! The full moon transforms the characters in this series into giant monkeys! There's gotta be a connection!  
-Mini Moon:Yeah, except Piccolo destroyed the moon in the series pretty early on.  
-silence:what can i say that's funny. you all know what's about to happen.  
-Sailor Moon:THEY DID WHAT!!! My kingdom! My future home! A place of hope and prosperity BLOWN TO BITS BY A LITTLE GREEN MAN!!! I'll seek that scourge out and kill him personally!   
-Mini Moon:Ma, really, it's not that . . .  
-Sailor Moon:I'm Sailor Moon, brat! MOON! What's the use of having a Sailor Moon in this series if there's no moon!  
-Mini Moon:There's no Mini Moon in our our series, but that's me, and . . .  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:. . . Ahem . . .  
-Both:uh, yes . . .  
(Ragnorak Harbinger bellows with a sound that would chill the dead in their graves. Then taking but a moment to ready himself, he charges with the speed of an eagle in flight at the two hapless scouts. Alone, afraid, and, well, kinda messed up after finding out the moon had been blown up, the tow scramble for refuge from the fatal attack. Closing more and more rapidly, the beast is almost upon them when. . .)  
(a rose hits the ground in front of the beast)  
-Tuxedo Mask:I didn't have time to think of something cool to say this morning. You might not believe it, but the tuxedo gives me a heck of time. But let me at least say this: you ugly black monster, you make me sick!!!  
-Sailor Moon:Go Darien!  
-Tuxedo Mask:Hi there! Be with you in one minute, darling!  
-Sailor Moon:Take your time, sweetie!  
-Tuxedo Mask:You vile, despicable henchman of darkness! I spit at you! Pttui! You smell like rotten eggs! You're as cuddly as a cactus! You're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grrrrrrrrinch!   
-Mini Moon: I love that song!  
-Tuxedo Mask:Thank you, thank you! Now you stupid monster, get ready to die!  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:Are you done, yet?  
-Tuxedo Mask:Huh? Hey, villain don't ask stuff like that!  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:That's right! I'm your friend! Now are you done, yet?  
-Tuxedo Mask:Uh, guess so . . .  
(Ragnorak Harbinger pounces at Tuxedo Mask, who dodges with ease, pelting the swarthing mass of evil with roses. The fearsome creature snarls at Darien from the place where he just was, and then gazes down to look at his midsection which is impaled with thorned shrubbery. Confused, the monster looks up and in a voice that could scare the skin off of rocks, speaks:)  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:Roses!? You attacked me with roses!?  
-Tuxedo Mask:Well, yeah! They're sharpened, deadly, and thrown with an expert hand! They are also classy, versatile, and used in philosophical remembrance of one of my best friends.  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:But they're shrubs! What's with you, man! You gonna attack with carnations next? Or Bygonnias, perhaps!  
-Tuxedo Mask:Actually, this is normally the part where my girl friend blasts the ever loving shit out of people like you!  
-Sailor Moon:Uh, Darien . . .  
-Tuxedo Mask:Yes, my sweet!  
-Sailor Moon:There's, uh, no moon on this planet, and well, I can't really waste him without the Moon above me. You know, fighting evil by moonlight, that kind of thing. If there's no moon light, I can't fight!  
-Tuxedo Mask:Oh. That could ruin a plan or two.  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:Well, what's up, pal! Your girlfriend can't do the job? Oh well, it's up to you then! C'mon! Let's see if botany can be kick-butt-ony. Do your worst! Daffodils! I'm allergic, you know! Or maybe Poinsettias! It's close enough to Christmas! Even, dare I say it, poison ivy! Poison sumac! Tobacco! I don't care! Come on! Make me respect greenhouses as ammo storage bins! Bring it, you gardening sap! Hit me with a tree! Maple! Sycamore! Oak! I'm wide open! Right here, chump! Right here!  
-Tuxedo Mask:(pulls out a bazooka) Gardening is cool, but you'll just be pushing up daisies!  
  
-Korin:Alright, you know what to do!  
-Vash:(Dressed as Super Saiyan Gohan) Yep!  
-Korin:Well, the viewers don't, so I'll reiterate! There's a smart pill inside this pastry in the box. The Eternal Dragon can't resist these goodies, so just get in, toss it at him, let him eat it, and watch his brain mass swell up to the size of Brolly's biceps!  
-Vash:'K!  
-Korin:Then, let the East Kai's warriors handle the rest! You can come back and collect your pay after that. Got it?  
-Vash:Sure!  
-Korin:(skeptical) You sure?  
-Vash:Very sure!  
-Korin:Then go already!  
-Vash:Go where?  
-Korin:Grrr! To the Eternal Dragon, duh! He's just a little east of here! Look, you can see him from up here.  
-Vash:Ugly!  
-Korin:Just do it!  
-Vash:Alright.  
(Vash goes off in a jet powered board that Korin won from Bulma in a Poker Game!)  
-Korin:The other way, stupid!  
-Vash:Just checking!  
  
-Tuxedo Mask:Damn! Why didn't I use this thing earlier in the series!  
(Ragnorak Harbinger groans in the pain inflicted by Darien's bazooka!)  
-Sailor Moon:Conventional weaponry works!? Wow!  
-Mini Moon:Uh, what's happening to it?  
(With a deafening scream, the Ragnorak Harbinger splits into three smaller, less imposing beings, which look angrily at Darien)  
-Sailor Moon:Who the fuck?  
-Tuxedo Mask:Oh, man! It's you!  
(Without a word, the subcomponents of the Ragnorak Harbinger perform the Triple Fusion Dance, reforming the swarthing mass of pure hatred. Then the rejuvenated terror blasts the area and it's inhabitants to cinders as it summons it's huge pillar of flame. However, the beast forgets to calculate the power of Sailor Moon's defensive magic, allowing the three some to survive.)  
-Tuxedo Mask:Hey, what gives? You said that the moon was destroyed so you didn't want to fight!  
-Sailor Moon:Yeah, but then I looked up, and there it was! I think it regenerates every season or something.  
(Ragnorak Harbinger snarls and charges ferociously!)  
-Mini Moon:Pink Sugar Heart Attack!  
(The Ragnorak Harbinger's snarling head bounces back and forth from the effects of the attack)  
-Sailor Moon:Nice one! Now I'll finish it off!  
(The Ragnorak Harbinger, irritated by Mini Moon's assault, and by not being able to win, holds up its claw and causes an ice berg to manifest out of thin air. Then the monster promptly smacks his three opponents with it. Satisfied at the sight of the skirt and Tuxedo clad pancakes on the ground, the murderous beast moves on victorious!)  
  
Note:Now, for those of you who have never played Chrono Trigger, this ice berg manifestation is called Ultimate Physical. If that doesn't provide a hint as to the nature of the Ragnorak Harbinger, keep reading, cause I'll have to say it eventually. Also, for those of you die hard Sailor Moon fans, like my girlfriend, I understand that Megaman would have been killed just by holding the crystal, and that dispensing with the series characters in so, I dunno, impudently a manner is sacrilege! So, I felt compelled to include a happy scene showing that Sailor Moon and her pals are, in fact, not out of the story yet. But in keeping with DBZ, they are in the HFIL. Oh, well.)  
  
-Kagato:This meeting of the RVTJCCTMC (Recurring Villains That Just Can't Cut the Mustard Convention) will now come to order.  
-Frieza:Isn't that too long an acronym?  
-Dr. Gero:Oh, shut up!  
-Frieza:You shut up!  
-Neherania:Men . . .  
-Kagato:Order! Order!  
-Garlic Jr:Why should we? This is a therapy session, dumb ass! Let us burn off some steam!  
-Neherania:Hey, didn't you get dumped in the dead zone?  
-Garlic Jr:This is a zone where everyone is dead! It's close enough!  
-Jinnai:Everyone shut up!  
-Kagato:You're not dead, Jinnai! Get out of here!  
-Jinnai:Then shouldn't this be the Resurrected Losers Association?  
-Frieza:I like the sound of that! The RLA!  
-Kagato:Oh, fine! I'll let you join for that.  
(Kills Jinnai.)  
-Kagato:There! Now your an official member of the RLA!  
-Dr. Gero:Remind me again why you are the leader?  
-Kagato:I was a major villain in the Tenchi Muyo series. But then I was resurrected with dyed hair and a new motive to be a bad guy in the TV series!   
-Neherania:Lost both times, didn't you?   
-Kagato:Yes. Now could I get some order, here!  
-Garlic Jr:Actually, we can't call it the Resurrected Loser Association! I've never been killed, and neither has the chick with the freaky black hair!  
-Neherania:What did you say about my hair?  
-Kagato:Then, what was Jinnai saying about . . .  
-Jinnai:Don't look at me! Garlic breath over here started it!  
-Garlic Jr:Trying to turn off the heat under you, huh tough guy!  
-Jinnai:Don't start with me, munchkin!  
-Garlic Jr:Oh, yeah?  
-Ashrum:Everyone shut the fuck up or I'll crush your souls into bean paste!  
-silence:hey, i'm a member, too? cool beans!  
-Kagato:Thank you, Ashrum. Now we have some interesting guests who just arrived from above and volunteered to speak with us. Of course, they don't know the real nature of the meeting, and they're heros, of a sort, so give them an extra warm, crispy, crackly welcome!  
(Door opens and Sailor Moon, Mini Moon, and Tuxedo Mask walk in)  
-Neherania:You!?  
-Sailor Moon:Huh? What are you doing here? I never killed you!  
-Jinnai:Loser.  
-Garlic Jr:Incoherent bum.  
-Brolly:Hulk interested in pretty girls with halos! Hulk no like back ground gossip! Hulk Smash!  
-Garlic Jr:(Mutating into big pulsating mutant form.) Bring it on!  
-Ashrum:I warned you! Prepare to be secular, you bastards!  
-Kenny:mmph mm mmph mmmmph mmh!  
-Ashrum:Oh, right! I must abstain from violence. I must abstain from violence.  
-The Joker:Now THIS is entertainment!  
-Neherania:Hey, I'm trying to talk over here!  
(Garlic opens the gate to the deadzone)  
-Cooler:So, did you see last nights snowball game?  
-Frieza:Yeah, but the Blizzards really sucked. Ever since they got that new coach, what's his name . . .  
-Cooler:Raid-da-fridge?  
-Frieza:Yeah, that's it! Ever since he showed up, they've really been bad.  
-Cooler:You should start rooting for the Penguins like I do.  
-King Cold:Both of you know that the Arctic Warblers are the superior team! They've won four titles in the last ten years, and are ranked second in the solar system now.  
-Cooler:Dad, that's the Arcadian Warblers, which aren't officially in the league! The Arctic Warblers disbanded seven years ago.  
-Frieza:Really, try doing some research before you talk sports with us, Dad!  
-Brolly:Hulk afraid of the dark! Hulk smash it!  
-Garlic Jr:Go ahead and try it, you dumb ape!  
-Neherania:What are you doing? That's my kingdom, you green freak!  
-Garlic Jr:Woops! Wrong address!  
-Kagato:Order! Order!  
-Ashrum:Must abstain from violence. Must abstain from violence.  
-Tuxedo Mask:Hey, let's go get some ramen.  
-Sailors:Okay!  
(Tuxedo Mask, Sailor Moon, and Mini Moon depart)  
-Jinnai:You bum! (Sucked into the Dead Zone, or rather Neherania's Dark Moon Kingdom.)  
-Kagato:Uh, meeting adjourned!  
-Ashrum:Must abstain from violins! Must astatine from violins! Must, must, oh, forget it! (Picks up Demon Sword) Who's first?  
-Garlic Jr:Oh, shit!  
-Kenny:Mmph mmmph mmh!  
-Ashrum:Alrighty, then! (Uses his Soul Crusher on Kenny, totaling him)  
-Harry Mcdoogle:Oh my gosh, he killed Kenny!  
-Dr. Gero:Some one just HAD to say that, didn't they?  
-Garlic Jr:Quick! Everyone in here!  
(All of the meetings people escape into the Dark Realm while Ashrum goes off his rocker!)  
  
-Note:So Sailor Moon and her pals are okay! Horray! Now back to the plot!  
  
-Vash:Pastry, huh? Wonder what kinda pastry it is? (Opens box and goes wide eyed) A d-d-d-d-d-dd-d-d-d-d--d---dd--d-d-d-d-dd-d-d-d-doughnut!  
(Vash the Stampede, unable to resist his monumental craving for doughnuts, gobbles it up! His intelligence instantly increases by about four hundred points, and brilliant thoughts pop into his head)  
-Vash:Hmm. Saving this reality will be a piece of cake! But first I need to do a little research. I believe that the library of Congress will do nicely for my needs!  
(Flys off)  
  
-Pikkan:Let's see, the Ragnorak Harbinger should be around here somewhere.  
-Voice from the sky:Get out of the way!  
-Pikkan:Huh?  
-Voice:Move!!  
-Pikkan:Why? What's going on?  
-Godzilla:(Falling from the sky) I warned you!  
*squish went Pikkan*  
  
-Krillin:Hey, there's the Eternal Dragon!  
-Chi-Chi:About time! Now where's Goku?  
-Goku:Hey you up there!  
-Krillin:There he is!  
-Goku:I can't tell who you are from here, but I beg you! Shoot me! Shoot me please!  
-ED:HEY! WHO'S UP THERE! I'M BUSY MAKING WISHES HERE! WHOEVER YOU ARE, BUZZ OFF!  
-Krillin:Oh, man. The Eternal Dragon's making his own wishes!  
-ED:NOW FOR MY 721ST WISH, I WOULD LIKE THE STORY'S DIALOG TO BE WRITTEN IN WINGDINGS!!  
-Krillin:Holy shit! He's gone senile to boot!  
-Chi-Chi:Well, he'd better change it the fuck back to normal before I kick his scaly green ass!  
-Goku:Please! PLEASE!! Someone stop this madness!!!  
-ED:FOR MY 722ED WISH, I'D LIKE TO CHANGE IT TO LUCIDIA CASUAL, SO I CAN STILL UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HECK THEY ARE SAYING! AH, MUCH BETTER! NOW, FOR MY 723RD WISH, I'D LIKE TO CREATE A MUSIC VIDEO WITH MURAI TRUNKS AND, OH, CHOUTSU!  
-Murai Trunks:Who built the androids!?  
-Choutsu:Oof! Oof! Oof-oof!  
-Murai Trunks:Who built the androids!?  
-Choutsu:Oof! Oof! Oof-oof!  
-Murai Trunks:An android is nothin' if 'e don' have blastars!  
-Choutsu:O, yah gi o hey ho! O yah gi ho hey!  
-ED:FOR MY 724TH WISH, NEVER MIND! THEY SUCK! IN FACT, FOR MY 725TH WISH, I HOPE THE BAHA MEN DON'T SUE US!  
-Chi-Chi:For crying out loud! What's up with this episode?  
  
-Director of Harvard University:And so, it is with great pleasure that I confer upon you the honorary degree of professional practice, and the title of the world's fastest Harvard graduate! Let us hear a warm had of congratulations to the distinguished Dr. Vash T. Stampede!  
-Vash:I'm so chocked up, y'know! I mean, this is great! But I haven't got time to make a long speech, cause I gotta save the world and all that jazz, plus I see several bounty hunters in the caps and gown down there, so I gotta fly! Just remember the not to spend your life memorizing things, but to spend it mesmerizing others! Bye!  
-Spike:Dammit! I never even graduated!  
-Jet:And he got away! I spent alot of time planning this one!  
-Spike:Only because the trip from Ganemede was forty hours! Say, I'm hungry. What have we got to eat.   
-Jet:We don't have anything to eat! That's why we were trying to mug a college graduate for bounty!  
-Ed:Watch it close and feast your eyes, cause this whole script's computerized!  
-Spike:What?  
-Ed:Edward found out that all our actions are being typed up by a high school kid on a Macintosh with a 3K modem!  
-Jet:Meaning what?  
-Ed:Meaning that Edward can now hack into the fabric of space, time, and all reality!  
-Spike:Can it get us something to eat?  
-Ed:Uh, huh!  
(Fresh steak and roast scallabs appear in front of Jet and Spike)  
-Editer's note:Hey, you little punk! I didn't authorize tampering with my reality!  
-Ed:Writer should have thought of that before crossing over to Bebop!   
JJJJJJJJJJJJ  
-Editors note:You pest! Don't think for an instant that you can still win! I have powers that defy your comprehension! I'm so important that I have to hold the shift button in caps lock to get my awesome authority across!  
-Ed:Yeah, yeah! That's why you can't even play CDs on your D drive! Edward bets you never downloaded one MP3 file! Well, is Edward right?  
-Editors note:Well, uh, I have, but never got it to work.  
-Ed:Edward thinks your powers are highly overrated!  
-Editors note:You're toast!  
(Voltswagons rain down on the assembly)  
-Ed:Lame!  
(Volcanic tremors tar apart the landscape, altering the writer's wall paper to look like a pile of broken glass.)  
-Writer:You dare!  
(Giant Rabid Dinosaurs get pumped up with steroids and ravage the world like Viking warlords!)  
-Ed:Hee, hee, hee, hee! You can't match me!  
(Brittany Spears teams with the Teletubbies and wreaks the user's system from within)  
-Writer:Owowowowoowowowow! That does it!  
(Agent from Matrix is gated in!)  
-Agent:I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Mr. Peruski IV.  
-Ed:Edward is the chosen one to liberate the people from your cybernetic rule! Stuck up agent dude get starchy ass kicked like crazy!  
(Ed leaps into the agents body, causeing him to burst into tiny bits of code that fade into deletion!)  
-Ed:Eat your heart out, Neo! What's next, Mr. Writer?  
-Vash:Hey!  
-Ed:Huh?  
-Vash:For infringement on copyright to a movie made in 1998, I place you under arrest in the name of the law!  
-Ed:What! But, writer person brought in character for me to trash! Not to mention writer dude is infringing on copyrights to Dragonball Z, Sailor Moon, South Park, Cowboy Bebop, Megaman, Super Metroid, Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger, Tenchi Muyo, Gundam Wing, Record of Lodoss War, Batman, El Hazard, Godzilla, Outlaw Star, Trigun, and Pokemon! Why not arrest him?  
-Vash:Cause your standing right here, and the writer just gave me several Harvard Degrees in a single day of study! Now come on! You have the right to remain silent, blahh blahh . . .   
-Ed:Ed'll get you for this, Mr. Writer Person, if it's the last thing Edward does!  
-Editors Note:Oh look at me! I'm shaking!  
  
-ED:FOR MY 812TH WISH, I WANT CHI-CHI'S NAME TRANSLATED DIRECTLY INTO ENGLISH!  
-Dad:Hey! Change that back! No one'll know who I am, now!  
-ED:WELL, THAT'S NOT THE TRANSLATION I WANTED ANYHOW! SO FOR MY 813TH WISH, I WANT THE DIRTY TRANSLATION!  
-Boobs:You ass hole! You're messin' with the wrong lady, here!  
-Grand Kai:Hahahahah! Nice one, E.D!  
-Boobs:I'll get you, too, you perverted old fart!  
-Goku:Man, this is getting so f--ked up!  
-ED:AND NOW FOR MY, ER, NEXT WISH, I WANT KRILLIN TO HAVE A MONSTER AFRO AND BECOME THE DISCO FEVER CHAMPION OF THE UNIVERSE! THIS OUTTA BE GOOD!  
-Krillin:Hair! I have Hair!! But actually, that's not really that great, cause I only shave my head ever morning cause I'm a monk. And I don't like disco! So take it back!  
-ED:IMPOSSIBLE! THAT HAIR STYLE IS TOTALLY ROCKIN'! UNLIKE YOUR FRIEND'S DOO HERE. HEY, I KNOW! I WISH THAT GOKU'S HAIR WOULD STOP BEING SO MESSED UP!  
(The insanely powerful Comb of Wrath appears and starts styling Goku's hair)  
-Goku:NOOO!!!!  
-Boobs:You (stream of obscenities) dragon! You shut the (dang, what's up with her mouth!) up NOW!!!  
-silence:do, di do do do. . . . hmm, it's a long silence. dang, that chick can cuss, though. cartman would've been proud of her. well, maybe just upstaged. geez, how long is this gonna last. i'm tired of talking. i'm silence, dammit. i'm supposed to be silent. why do i keep talking. oh, wait, this is supposed to be dramatic silence. okay, here goes. ahem, what light through yonder window breaks. it is the sun. it is the east. it is a forgotten line. dang, lets try some other drama. a two person skit.   
-skitso silence:now i'm no philosopher, but it doesn't take a genius to tell that the lives of two people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. so you're getting on that plane with lazlo.  
-silence:but what about us?  
-skitso:we'll always have paris.  
-silence:man, i brought water to my eyes. i love that scene. hey, i got more. i can spout off a john wayne dialogue if you interested. man, i am the cultural back bone of this series. why doesn't it let me get more lines in, anyhow. i'll tell ya why, it's too loud. too many explosions. too many insipid taunts. if i had my way, this thing would have folded and the show would have been renamed the wisdom of the quiet.   
-Mr. Snine:Hey, silence.  
-silence:yes, master.  
-Mr. Snine:Shine my shoes! Fetch me some water! Do my home work! And quit interrupting!  
-silence:certainly, oh great peace maker. fricka fracka. who's idea was it to make a sovereign of silence, anyway. oh, here they go, again.  
-ED:DON'T HURT ME, I BEG YOU!!  
  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:Hey, G-dawg. Wazzap!  
-Godzilla:Well, the usual. Happosai popped me into the air, and I fell on this little green man down here. Other than that, just chillin'.  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:Cool then. Well, I gotta hurry up and kill Goku. If I wait much longer, the writer may run out of ink to print this story up.  
-Godzilla:Okay, good luck, then!  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:Thanks dude.  
  
-Boobs:Alright! Let's start by changing my name back to normal! And no funny business!!  
-ED:W-WHATEVER YOU SAY!!  
-Chi-Chi:Better! Now how about the fonts! Times Roman and keep it there!  
-ED:JUST DON'T . . . COME NEAR ME!  
-Chi-Chi:Okay! Now, about the Ragnorak Harbinger that ripping everybody up! I want it dead! NOW!  
-ED:UM, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS, BUT I CAN'T DO THAT!  
-Chi-Chi:Well you'd better fucking find a way to do it!   
-ED:WELL, UH, YOU SEE, UM, ONE OF IT'S SUBCOMPONENTS IS IMMUNE TO THE EFFECTS OF WISHES. IF YOU CAN GET IT TO SPLIT IN TWO, I CAN DESTROY HALF OF HIM!  
-Goku:Chi-Chi, uh, is this a bad time to say that I want the heck out of this slimy death grip.  
-Chi-Chi:Can you cut the Ragnorak Harbinger in half?  
-Goku:I'll do anything! Just let me out of here!!!  
-Chi-Chi:Let him go!  
-Goku:(Happy to be free) You (stream of obscenities) Dragon! Kamehameha!!!  
(Eternal Dragon gets truly rocked by an earth shattering blast of volatile energy and crumbles to ash. Holy shit!)  
-Chi-Chi:Nice work, Einstein! Now how are we gonna beat the Ragnorak Harbinger without the Eternal Dragon?  
-Goku:Oh, well, we can always just wish back the Eternal Dragon with the Dragon Balls.  
-Chi-Chi:Did you eat rum candy this Halloween? That doesn't even make sense!  
(A swirling mass of evil and pure hatred bursts out of the ground in front of them, bearing it's dripping fangs and bellowing it's hellish howl!  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:Broo ha ha! Now I've got you!!  
-Krillin:(dancing) I would freak out, but Abba is just so cool!  
-Goku:Hey, nice costume!  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:What costume! This is my real form, twit! Doesn't it scare you! Isn't it the most hideous and disgusting form you've ever seen! It is the face of your doom! The last thing you will ever see! And now you will die!  
-Goku:Oolong, quit trying. You don't scare me. Now get out of there.  
-Ragnorak Harbinger:What! How did you know?  
-Goku:The soup bowl, stupid! A black, seething demonic mass with a bowl full of soup. That's Oolong. So quit pretending.  
-Ragnorak Harbinger. Actually, you're only one third correct, Goku! Even though I am impressed at your intuition, you will never beat all of me!  
(Ragnorak Harbinger splits into it's three subcomponents. Oolong, Lavos Core, and . . .)  
-Goku:What the fucking hell are you doing here!?  
-Supreme Kai:Trying to end the series! What does it look like!  
-Grand Kai:Huh? Boss! What are you . . .  
-Supreme Kai:Shut up! This show ends here and now!!  
-Goku:But why?  
-Supreme Kai:But why? But why, mommy? Why does it have to be? You make me sick!  
-Goku:You didn't answer.  
-Supreme Kai:It should be self evident, you moron! I'm almighty god in this series, but look like a three year old and get mopped around by you Saiyans and your enemies all the time! How would you feel if you were the most powerful entity in existence and got beat up beeflogs with bad hair! Tell me that!  
-Goku:So this has been just another desperate play in your quest to feel significant?  
-Supreme Kai:Feel significant my ass! I'm gonna waste this show and everyone in it! Then there will be no more humiliation! No more pain or challenges. I'll just rest in oblivion with the ashes of all my opponents beneath me!  
-Lavos Core:Man, that sounds cool!  
-Supreme Kai:Thank you!  
-Goku:How'd you get Lavos in here!  
-Oolong:Did I mention I scared Vegeta shitless!  
-Chi-Chi:I know that! Now be quiet before I make pork for dinner!  
-Supreme Kai:It wasn't easy, but I managed to bargain with the commercials to crossover a video game final boss to fuse with me so that I'd have the power to destroy you! Because Lavos here has essentially the same goal of universal annihilation as I do, we were a perfect fusion! But a yellow robot with a white mohock isn't very intimidating, so we Triple Fused with Oolong so he could us into something that looked really bad ass, too!  
-Oolong:Yeah, I've been trying to come up with a transformation that could scare Goku on Halloween for years, and these guys gave me the inspiration and waves of pure evil to complete the disguise! It worked on Vegeta, but Goku doesn't get scared unless you hold needles to him!  
-Lavos Core:Well, you should have told me that in the first place! Hold out your arm, Goku!  
(Super grim death needle appears in the air above Goku. The Saiyan Champion freaks and runs as fast as he can the other way screaming like crazy!)  
-Lavos Core:Hah hahahahah!  
-Supreme Kai:You idiot! We have to destroy Goku utterly so that the show will be cancelled!  
-Lavos Core:Who cares about cancelling the show, anymore!   
-Supreme Kai:What?  
-Lavos Core:If that's the strongest character in the series, then I've just conquered this whole dimension! Ha ha! No more RVWJCCTMC meetings for me! I won! I WON!!  
-Supreme Kai:I don't want it conquered! I want it vaporized!  
-Lavos Core:Too bad!  
-Supreme Kai:No, I can't let you stop my plans! Either chase Goku or I'll . . .  
-Lavos Core:Or you'll what, Mr. Almighty!!  
-Supreme Kai:. . . *wimper* . . .  
-Lavos Core:I thought so! Ha ha! Lavos is now running Dragon Ball Z!  
-Chi-Chi:You bastard!!  
-Lavos Core:I'm even immune to the effects of your control, Chi-Chi! I can't be stopped!!  
-Piccolo:Don't think you can ever take our freedom from us so easily!  
-Lavos Core:Oh, really. Hey, you're form Namek, aren't you! I went clog dancing there once!  
-Piccolo:(Classic freak out scene!) It was you!! You who ravaged my home planet!!  
-Lavos Core:Way before you knew you had a home planet, yes, that was me!  
(Piccolo uses Special Beam Cannon and about fifty other really good attacks. Unharmed, Lavos simply smacks Piccolo with an ice berg.)  
-Lavos Core:Well, who's next? Is that it?  
-Chrono:Not so fast, Lavos!  
-Lavos Core:(Whirling around) What? You!  
-Frog:We're here to stop you for good, you fiend!  
-Lavos Core:But, how? How did you crossover to this dimension?  
-Chrono:We're time travelers, stupid! The commercials foresaw this and gated us in before they died, and then we zapped ourselves to this point in time! Now we're ready to fight you!  
-Lavos Core:You fools! I also have mastery over time, space, and even life and death! Behold! I will make all the dead living and all times one!  
(All times and seperate dragon Ball Z dimensions become one, meaning that Jackie Chun is now squaring off against Future 17, and a resurrected Frieza is taking over the Red Ribbon army!)  
-Oolong:(Changing back from Chrono) Okay, okay! I surrender!  
-Puarr:(Changing back from Frog) Me too! All hail Lavos!  
-Lavos Core:You idiots!!! Now look what you made me do!! Every person that's ever been killed is alive again! The amount of devastation this will cause is unimaginable! And we'll all have to fight every last one of them to survive! More importantly, I'll have to subjugate every last one of them to rule this dimension!! You fucking retards!!  
(Lavos causes a spiked metal volcano with nuclear weapons protruding from the sides to appear, obviously with the intention of whacking Oolong and Puarr with it!)  
-Samus:Hey, look, kid! A big powerful robot!  
-Megaman:Cool! Let me show you how we brawl on my turf, ma!!  
(Megaman blasts Lavos Core with a beam cannon)  
-Lavos Core:You insignificant bastards!  
(Chucks Past Ultimate Physical Attack Volcano at Megaman. Samus shoots and blows it in to the atmosphere)  
-Samus:What did you call us, you putrid yellow monkey?  
(Megaman and Samus blow Lavos Core to smithereens)  
-ED:ALRIGHT! A BIRTHDAY CAKE!!  
(E.D. catches and gobbles the Death Volcano. It explodes loudly but harmlessly inside him)  
-ED:COULD HAVE USED SOME HOT SAUSE!!  
-Commercials:Oh, shit! What are we gonna do? How are we gonna get all these crossovers back to their respective places after the whole fabric of the space time continuem has been destroyed?  
-Buu:Who cares! It's 11:59. Halloween's almost over! Let's just roll the creds and pick it back up on Thanksgiving! Happy Halloween, y'all!  
-Mr. Satan:Happy Halloween, you wimps!  
-ED:HAPPY HALLOWEEN! HEY, FOR MY NEXT WISH, I WANT A COSTUME! (Eternal Dragon is now dressed as Link)  
-Gohan:Happy Halloween!  
-Cartman:Happy Halloween, you fucking shithead ass-raping cock suckers!  
-Pikachu:Pikapika Pikapiii!   
-Ed:Edward'll be back writer person!  
-Editor's Note:Oh, I'm scared! Happy Halloween!  
-Chi-Chi:Get back here with that candy Goku!  
-Goku:No needles! NOO!   
-silence:happy halloween.  
-Gotenks:Happy halloween!!  
-Krillin:Disco inferno, disco inferno . . .  
-Ashrum:Who's next to die!!!  
-Vash:Wait! Wait! I've got the cure! I can fix this whole interdimensional complex! I'm a genius! Just let me try it out! I don't want to wait till Thanksgiving!!  
-Bulma:Happy halloween.  
-Vegeta:Hey, no Halloween wishes! This is private time, baby!  
-Bulma:Oh, yeah! Give it to me, Veggie!  
-Quistis:There you are! Can I join in?  
-Bulma: . . . Who's she, Vegeta? And why the hell is she stripping down?  
-Vegeta:Uh . . . let's go find a different mountain top!  
-Grand Kai:Dammit, no! I wanna see a three some!  
-Master Roshi:Me too!  
-Happosai:I'd rather be part of the threesome, only I'll kick Vegeta out!  
-Samus:Happy Halloween. But remember to be safe on this special holiday. Keep your family close to your heart, and your enemies close to the mussel of you ray blaster so if you get tired of them you can carve them into jack-o-lanterns!  
-Megaman:You've got some good advise, Ma!  
-Everybody Else:Happy Halloween!!!  
  
-Commercials:That concludes our program. However, be sure to tune in next time for Thanksgivzeen as the turkey hits the fan with more crossovers and hopefully some better jokes! It'll be commercial free, of course, because I quit! I'm not getting killed by Samus again, you know! Anyway, I've gotta get to that RVTJCCTMC meeting now anyway. You all take care, and good night!  
the atmosphere) 


End file.
